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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many students live with their families while others go to another city to study at a university

#students #families #city #study #university
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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is studying away from home. It cannot be denied that studying has become an integral part of our lives.
However
, there is no absolute agreement: some
people
 believe that leaving home for study or work is useful,
while
 others have a negative attitude towards everything associated with distance from home. Of course, there are both pros and cons to studying in
cities
, but I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. One of the main advantages of studying in
cities
 is that it is an amazing opportunity to get a
quality
 education.
For
example
, all over the world, all universities are located in
cities
, not villages.
Besides
,
people
 who work want to earn more money.
Such
 opportunities exist only in big
cities
 compared to villages. Another advantage is that young
people
 live in the city, which gives them the opportunity to be competitive. A good
example
 here is the quantity and
quality
 of
people
 living in
cities
. In
cities
Add a comma
cities,
show examples
 we can meet many
people
such
 as foreigners. Teenagers often contact them,
encourage
Correct word choice
and encourage
show examples
 their horizons, which gives them good knowledge. Turning to the other side of the argument, we note some shortcomings. One of the drawbacks is living in big
cities
 without parental control,
this
 can affect their character and
quality
 of life on the bad side.
For
example
, drug addiction,
thefts
Correct word choice
and thefts
show examples
 occur in big
cities
. The current of life happening in the city is very strong. Young
people
 may not go where they want to go, not because they
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
 to. Because there were no
people
 nearby who would show them the right path,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 their parents. Having considered all the above, we can come to the conclusion that studying in
cities
 will bring you more advantages than disadvantages. Today, having
quality
 education,
being
Correct word choice
and being
show examples
 competitive, we get most of them in the city for a good life.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically into the next. Use more varied transition words to enhance the coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Develop the counterarguments more deeply and provide specific examples to support them.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and your viewpoint, setting a clear path for the discussion.
task achievement
Each main point addresses a different aspect of the discussion, providing a comprehensive view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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