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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Overall, the graph clearly demonstrates that the majority of young people had attend to private studios instead of the other facilities. In the other hand, most young people tend to prefer both types of ballet classes and modern classes.

The chart illustrates critical evidence about young people who attend various dance
classes
Use synonyms
. in one of the cities in Australia.
This
Linking Words
 untie is measured in numbers and percentages.
Overall
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, the graph clearly demonstrates that the majority of young people had attended private studios
instead
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 of the other facilities.
On the other hand
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, most young people tend to prefer both types of ballet
classes
Use synonyms
 and modern
classes
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.
According to
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 the data, private studio associations had the majority of attendance
classes
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, nearly half of all other locations, about 48%.
Moreover
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, after-school
classes
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, known as school halls, were around 24% of the trend location among
kids
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. After that, in the two
last
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 locations, community halls and college-based studios, the
Use synonyms
classes
Change the noun form
class
show examples
 ratio was 18 and 10, respectively. In terms of dance
classes
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 attended by young individuals, ballet
classes
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 showed a massive reputation among under 11
kids
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, about 600
kids
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.
However
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, the
teens
Use synonyms
 were not their favourite type of
classes
Use synonyms
, and the number of
teens
Use synonyms
 who attended these
classes
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 was 300.
In addition
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, most
teens
Use synonyms
 showed dramatic attendance to the modern class, about 520 approximately, and those who are under 11, were 300
kids
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.
Last
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 but not least is tap
classes
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, the
kids
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 and
teens
Use synonyms
 were at the same attendance, approximately 450 for each.

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coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer logical structure by organizing paragraphs with distinct points and using linking words.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear introduction that outlines what the essay will cover and a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
task achievement
Incorporate more data and specific examples from the graph to strengthen your points.
task achievement
You've provided a general overview of the data presented in the chart, which gives your essay a fair start.
task achievement
You're able to identify the key trends and differences between the various classes and facilities.
coherence cohesion
The essay features an introductory statement and some concluding remarks, which is a good practice for structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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