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Writing Samples
Band 5

Surveillance cameras in bank, offices, shops and streets have been very successful in reducing crime in the work place and in public, but they are also a tool for their users to spy on people’s private business. What problems do the use of Surveillance cameras create? Are there any solution? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge.

#surveillance #cameras #bank #offices #shops #streets #crime #work #place #tool #users #spy #people’s #business
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One of the biggest problems of the technology
age
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 is the virtual
security
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problem
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. There are
security
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cameras
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 everywhere. These
security
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cameras
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 are not enough for other problems. My guess is that
this
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problem
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 will be a
problem
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 of every
age
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.
This
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problem
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 is
a
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apply
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big because there is no definitive solution. If
software
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a software
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 engineer
is find
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finds
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 a solution
this
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 is not true because there is
a
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apply
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not a solution. There are good and bad people in every
age
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. Evil is the biggest
problem
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 in every
age
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.
Although
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 having
security
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cameras
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 everywhere is for people, it can have bad consequences when it falls into someone
else is
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else's
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 hands.
For example
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the
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apply
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bad people can use your images in bad places. If we look at it from another angle the employer's constant surveillance of the employee is a stressful situation for the employee. The employees may constantly make mistakes
due to
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 stress. Everyone knows that business life is already stressful the employer
also
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 knows
this
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 and should use
security
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cameras
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 only for
security
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 purposes. The psychological health of employees should be considered
as well as
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security
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. If we always focus on the root of the
problem
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, it will be easier to solve it but we all know that it will not be easy to end the problems of the technological
age
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. Not everyone should have access to
security
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cameras
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. If there is a
problem
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, it should be checked with the police. Even if the
problem
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 is not completely solved, it will be at least a little difficult to reach.
Submitted by kubrairmak287 on

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coherence cohesion
In order to improve coherence and cohesion, organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively. Ensure each paragraph addresses a specific point and links smoothly to the next.
task achievement
For task response, make sure you fully address all parts of the question. Here, while the problem is discussed, solutions could be expanded upon and refined.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively with relevant and specific examples. For instance, cite cases or statistics that illustrate the misuse of surveillance cameras.
task achievement
The essay acknowledges both the advantages and potential misuse of surveillance cameras, presenting a balanced view that enriches the discussion.
task achievement
You have included a reflection on the psychological impacts of surveillance, which adds depth to your analysis.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, helping to frame and summarize your arguments, adding to the overall cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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