In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development

the

Correct article usage

apply

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technology is growing up,

the

Correct article usage

apply

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companies

are trying to advertise their

products

in a sensational way, and it is crucial that they emphasize that their

products

are new and better compared to other

companies

. In my opinion,

this

sort of competition in the advertising

industries

Fix the agreement mistake

industry

show examples

positive

Add an article

a positive

show examples

development and a healthy way to grow up

their

Change the word

the

show examples

company. Advertising pros of their

products

plays

Change the verb form

play

show examples

a key role in

business

Add an article

the business

show examples

world. A ton of merchandise is coming out every single day. And

this

kind of development can help a competitive

product

come out.

For instance

, Samsung and

Apple

are in a rival relationship, and people always compare those two

companies

Change noun form

companies'

company's

show examples

products

. And

this

competition helps improve their

product

and

. To sell their

products

more than rivals,

companies

are always trying to make more vivid, rich, and competitive advertising to emphasise their merchandise. And proper advertising increases their

profit

. The second reason why I think that

that emphasizes their

product

has a positive side is that the advertising makes the image of the

product

and company.

Also

, it can enhance their

profit

For example

Apple

always emphasises their

products

such

as the iPhone,

Apple

Watch, and

IMac

Fix capitalization

iMac

show examples

. Despite the high pricing, people don't hesitate to purchase it. Of course, some people think it is an exaggeration

. But still, it makes money for

Apple

from now on.

Therefore

, advertisements can improve their

profit

. In conclusion, many

companies

should be adapting the

in a proper way to improve their

profit

. For those reasons, I believe that advertisements that emphasize their

products

are a positive development of

this

industry.

Submitted by oyj1798 on Thu Oct 24 2024

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Task Response

Ensure to fully address all parts of the task. Consider including a more explicit discussion on why businesses focus on 'newness' in their advertising, as well as potentially balancing both the positive and negative aspects of this development.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve clarity and cohesion, use linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs. This will help readers follow your argument more smoothly.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay includes an introduction and a clear conclusion that support the main argument.

Task Achievement

Good use of examples, such as the comparison between Apple and Samsung, to reinforce points made.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

emphasise
advertising
products
innovation
competitive strategy
consumer dissatisfaction
value

What to do next:

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In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

“Prevention is better than cure” Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and prevention measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

nowadays the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology. in what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? has this been a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Many young people today know more about international pop or movie stars than about famous people in the history of their own country. Why is this? What can be done to increase young people's interest in famous people in the history of their country?

the type of media that people of differnt age groups used to get daily newsw in one country in 2011