IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Fresh water has become the global problem for world. What are the causes of it? What measures government and individual should take to resolve to the problem? Give reasons and e.g. for your answer.

In the modern era, the world is getting polluted especially, a
water
Use synonyms
 resources like
river
Use synonyms
water
Use synonyms
. There are many
people
Use synonyms
 spoiling the environment
as well as
Linking Words
 human lives. There is a plethora of problem factors
such
Linking Words
 as
people
Use synonyms
 dumping waste in rivers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and deforesting the
trees
Use synonyms
 and it reflects a global issue. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss
this
Linking Words
 topic with elaboration.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
Use synonyms
 dispose of their dumps to the
river
Use synonyms
 directly which is affecting our environment
as well as
Linking Words
 the fresh
water
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, plastics or non-decompose things could be more dangerous for humans but unfortunately,
people
Use synonyms
 drink
water
Use synonyms
 with chemical materials.
Additionally
Linking Words
, deforesting
trees
Use synonyms
 comes with rainless conditions and it will suffer the human’s life.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 kind of
consequences
Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
show examples
 leads to poverty and world war. To ignore
this
Linking Words
 issue there is the solution as given below.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the government should take proper action to avoid dumps in the
river
Use synonyms
water
Use synonyms
, they need to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to carry the waste and segregate them to recycle as products.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 dispose the plastic bottles to the person who makes glasses,
this
Linking Words
 kind of individual activity gives more confidence to others.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, deforesting the
trees
Use synonyms
 should be strictly prohibited by the government, they should take immediate action who makes against them. As mentioned above reasons should be to save the
river
Use synonyms
water
Use synonyms
 and it will not be a global issue
To conclude
Linking Words
, in our modern world there are some difficulties with having fresh
water
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as dumping waste into the
river
Use synonyms
, deforesting the
trees
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more effects on the environment but the government should urge
people
Use synonyms
 to avoid cutting
trees
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 recycling plastics could be good one,
this
Linking Words
 kind of actions to save the
water
Use synonyms
 resources and it could be big use in our worlds

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Try to further develop your ideas. For example, when you mention how plastics affect human lives, you could expand on the specific health impacts or provide statistical data for a more convincing argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument. This will enhance the logical flow of your ideas.
Task Response
Provide more specific examples or case studies to support your points. This will make your argument more compelling and concrete. For instance, mention specific countries or regions where deforestation has significantly impacted water resources.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure connections are made between ideas to reinforce main points and transitions. Phrases such as 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' and 'consequently' can help here.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the problem and solutions discussed.
Task Response
You have acknowledged a variety of causes and solutions related to the fresh water problem, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: