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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

14. A college asked its graduates to give a speech to current students about their professional careers and future opportunities. You would like to participate. Write a letter and say What do you want to talk about? Why do you think students will be interested in it Suggest a suitable date and time for your speech.

My name is Upinder Kaur and I graduated from your
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
last
Linking Words
 year. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to inform you that it would be my pleasure to give
speech
Add an article
a speech
show examples
 about
this
Linking Words
 college and
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 opportunities in
Correct pronoun usage
my carrier
show examples
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
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. After completing study
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
 your
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
, I applied for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 in the biggest company
of
Change preposition
in
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 our city. Later on, they hired me as a manager of
housekeeping
Add an article
the housekeeping
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 department.
Therefore
Linking Words
 I will explain my journey from
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
 to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
the job
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to
Change preposition
as
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
undergraduates
Fix the agreement mistake
undergraduate
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.
Morener
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, I will encourage them to take part in different activities
along with
Linking Words
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
 programs. Students would be very
interesting
Replace the word
interested
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 If I
inform
Wrong verb form
informed
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 them
all
Change preposition
of all
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 the barriers that are faced
by
Change preposition
apply
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me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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while
Linking Words
 looking for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
job
Use synonyms
. They can be aware of all the problems that I faced
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when I was a student.
Due to
Linking Words
 my
job
Use synonyms
 schedule, It is hard for me
deliver
Add the particle
to deliver
show examples
 my speech on weekdays. Luckily, My
vacations
Fix the agreement mistake
vacation
show examples
 has been approved by the director which starts from November 1 to November 15. Please inform me what time and date is suitable for you all
soon
Rephrase
as soon
show examples
 as possible so that I can prepare myself for it.
your
Correct the word
yours
show examples
 sincerely, Upinder Kaur

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider organizing the content in clear paragraphs to represent separate ideas clearly, which will enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Ensure all parts of your letter are consistently in a formal tone since you are addressing the college administration.
Greeting and Closing
The letter has a personable and warm greeting and closing, which gives it a nice touch while remaining formal.
Task Achievement
The main purpose of the letter - volunteering to give a speech - is clearly stated and well-explained with personal experiences and motivations.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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