Some people think that families have the most powerful influence on a child’s development, while others think other factors such as television, friend, music. etc. gave biggest effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, some people believe that family is the main root for building the
kid
's development
, while
another part of people claim that there are other factors
with stronger influences to the children. In my opinion, even kids
could be affected by the outside environment, family is still the foundation of their Correct word choice
though kids
overall
development
.
On the one hand, some factors
like technology, entertainment and friendships could be a driver of a kid
's development
. As today's technology is almost everywhere in our life
, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
kids
can assess to
social media and surf on internet easily. Verb problem
access
As a result
, these
online information navigates their understanding of the world. Correct determiner usage
this
Furthermore
, some kids
enjoy the games which can bring them joy and also
a sense of achievement, leading them how to solve problems and to reach higher goals. Adidtionally
, Friendships are Correct your spelling
Additionally
also
crucial for kids
well-being, they can Change noun form
kids'
kid's
learning
social skills and corporative teamwork Wrong verb form
learn
from
meeting different people. All these given facts show that a Change preposition
by
kid
's development
is inextricable with the factors
outside of the family.
On the other hand
, family plays a vital role in the growth of kids
as parents are the initail
resource Correct your spelling
initial
provider
of all. Since we were born, family is the first place where Fix the agreement mistake
providers
who
learn how to talk, how to walk and even how to think. Parents have the responsibility to cultivate a Correct pronoun usage
we
kid
's understanding. For example
, parents teach their kids
to act appropriately and also
give them moral education at home, expecting the kids
to be fully prepared facing
the world outside of the house. Personally, my Change the verb form
to face
life
's biggest influence is from my mother, she tought
me to be an independent person by encouraging me to do things responsibly. Correct your spelling
taught
thought
Also
, she is the one who provided me the opportunity to go to school, which enables
me to learn how to use technology wisely and how to make Wrong verb form
enabled
friend
properly. The Fix the agreement mistake
friends
life
-long lecture that she gave me is precious, more
important than other Correct word choice
and more
factors
.
In conclusion, kids
can be driven by many elements in life
, but I firmly believe that the importance of family outweighs that of the outside factors
. According to
my own experience, parenting gives
the strongest impact Verb problem
has
to
my Change preposition
on
life
.Submitted by a0979181071 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs clearly feed into the main argument and consider elaborating further on certain points, especially how friendships and entertainment contribute to intellectual and emotional growth.
task achievement
Try to provide more varied examples to strengthen the argument. You have a good personal example for family influence, but providing contrasting examples for other factors could enhance clarity.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and summarize the main viewpoints effectively.
complete response
The essay reflects a balanced discussion, providing insight into both sides of the argument, which is crucial for marking.
relevant specific examples
Specific, well-elaborated personal examples make your argument more engaging and believable, particularly in discussing the family’s influence.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!