Some people think that families have the most powerful influence on a child’s development, while others think other factors such as television, friend, music. etc. gave biggest effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, some people believe that family is the main root for building the

kid

Use synonyms

development

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while

Linking Words

another part of people claim that there are other

factors

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with stronger influences to the children. In my opinion, even

Use synonyms

kids

Correct word choice

though kids

show examples

could be affected by the outside environment, family is still the foundation of their

overall

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development

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. On the one hand, some

factors

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like technology, entertainment and friendships could be a driver of a

kid

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development

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. As today's technology is almost everywhere in our

Use synonyms

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

kids

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can

assess to

Verb problem

access

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social media and surf on internet easily.

As a result

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these

Correct determiner usage

this

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online information navigates their understanding of the world.

Furthermore

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, some

kids

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enjoy the games which can bring them joy and

also

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a sense of achievement, leading them how to solve problems and to reach higher goals.

Adidtionally

Correct your spelling

Additionally

, Friendships are

also

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crucial for

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kids

Change noun form

kids'

kid's

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well-being, they can

learning

Wrong verb form

learn

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social skills and corporative teamwork

from

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show examples

meeting different people. All these given facts show that a

kid

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development

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is inextricable with the

factors

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outside of the family.

On the other hand

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, family plays a vital role in the growth of

kids

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as parents are the

initail

Correct your spelling

initial

resource

provider

Fix the agreement mistake

providers

show examples

of all. Since we were born, family is the first place where

who

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

learn how to talk, how to walk and even how to think. Parents have the responsibility to cultivate a

kid

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's understanding.

For example

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, parents teach their

kids

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to act appropriately and

also

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give them moral education at home, expecting the

kids

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to be fully prepared

facing

Change the verb form

to face

show examples

the world outside of the house. Personally, my

life

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's biggest influence is from my mother, she

tought

Correct your spelling

taught

thought

me to be an independent person by encouraging me to do things responsibly.

Also

Linking Words

, she is the one who provided me the opportunity to go to school, which

enables

Wrong verb form

enabled

show examples

me to learn how to use technology wisely and how to make

friend

Fix the agreement mistake

friends

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properly. The

life

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-long lecture that she gave me is precious,

Correct word choice

and more

show examples

important than other

factors

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. In conclusion,

kids

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can be driven by many elements in

life

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, but I firmly believe that the importance of family outweighs that of the outside

factors

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According to

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my own experience, parenting

gives

Verb problem

has

show examples

the strongest impact

Change preposition

show examples

life

Use synonyms

a0979181071

Oct 26, 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure all paragraphs clearly feed into the main argument and consider elaborating further on certain points, especially how friendships and entertainment contribute to intellectual and emotional growth.

task achievement

Try to provide more varied examples to strengthen the argument. You have a good personal example for family influence, but providing contrasting examples for other factors could enhance clarity.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and summarize the main viewpoints effectively.

complete response

The essay reflects a balanced discussion, providing insight into both sides of the argument, which is crucial for marking.

relevant specific examples

Specific, well-elaborated personal examples make your argument more engaging and believable, particularly in discussing the family’s influence.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

363 words

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Some people think that families have the most powerful influence on a child’s development, while others think other factors such as television, friend, music. etc. gave biggest effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A teacher's ability to relate well with students is more important than the ability to give knowledge.

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, others think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both ways and give your opinion.

oday, some young people say that their mobile phones are the most important thing they own. Do you think that the popularity of mobile phones is a good or bad thing?

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace their functions. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.