IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar graph compares five
activities
Use synonyms
 in terms of their number of
participants
Use synonyms
 over the course of 20 years.
Overall
Linking Words
,
table
Use synonyms
tennis
Use synonyms
, film, and musical club
participants
Use synonyms
 increased, with
table
Use synonyms
tennis
Use synonyms
 witnessing the most remarkable growth.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
amateur
Use synonyms
 dramatics became less popular
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 martial arts' number of
participants
Use synonyms
 remained unchanged. At the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
, almost 65
people
Use synonyms
 attended film club, followed by martial arts
participants
Use synonyms
 at around 37. Both
activities
Use synonyms
 remained at a relatively stable figure throughout the whole
period
Use synonyms
. In terms of least sought-after
activities
Use synonyms
, over 20
people
Use synonyms
 and less than 19 individuals participated in
amateur
Use synonyms
 dramatics and
table
Use synonyms
tennis
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 respectively, in 2000.
However
Linking Words
, it was not until 2005 that musical performances started to take place at Melbourne
social centre
Correct your spelling
Social Centre
show examples
. By 2010, around 20
people
Use synonyms
 engaged in both
amateur
Use synonyms
 dramatic and
tennis
Use synonyms
 sessions. In the same year, only half of
this
Linking Words
 figure was allocated to musical performances, and with a subtle increase, it managed to attract approximately 15 individuals by 2020. From 2010 onward,
table
Use synonyms
tennis
Use synonyms
participants
Use synonyms
 surged and peaked at over 50 by the end of the
period
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
 participating in
amateur
Use synonyms
 dramatic
activities
Use synonyms
 plummeted to a low of under 10
participants
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, participants, table, tennis, amateur, period, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: