The percentage of overweight children in western countries has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.

#percentage #children #countries #ten #years #effects #trend #offer

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

western

Capitalize word

Western

show examples

countries, the percentage of obese

children

has increased

around

Change preposition

by around

show examples

20% in the

last

decade. The causes of

obesity

among

children

are

that

Correct determiner usage

show examples

sedentary lifestyle

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and consumption of fast food. The effects of

obesity

are

that

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

development of diseases

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and minimized physical activities.

Sedentary

Add an article

A sedentary

show examples

lifestyle is the primary cause of

obesity

among

children

Children

do not want to

involve

Wrong verb form

be involved

show examples

in physical movements.

Children

prefer to sit in their homes all day

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and watch electronic devices. The second reason for being overweight is consumption of fast food.

Children

are not interested in having homemade foods, which are nutritious. They are addicted to fast foods with excessive oils and spices, which causes

obesity

problems among them.

For example

, around 56% of teenagers in Australia, mainly depend on hamburgers and french fries for their school lunch. One of the biggest effects of

obesity

children

suffer from several diseases.

Obesity

causes hypertension, diabetes,

heart

Correct word choice

and heart

show examples

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

an early stages

Correct the article-noun agreement

an early stage

early stages

show examples

of their lives.

Furthermore

obesity

minumizes

Correct your spelling

minimises

their physical activities. They cannot move their bodies properly and cannot be able to perform physical labour or any hard work, which impacts their daily lives.

For instance

children

in the USA, nowadays, do not take part in sports competitions because

their

Correct your spelling

they are

show examples

overweight do not allow them. In conclusion,

fast-food

Correct your spelling

fast food

show examples

consumption and

sedentary

Correct article usage

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle increase

obesity

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

among

children

. Being overweight hinders the daily movements of

children

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and their physical health.

Submitted by rahman_rehana on Sat Oct 26 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response

Expand on the topic with more examples and explanations, making sure all points are clearly connected to the main theme.

Coherence and cohesion

Make sure each idea is clearly linked to the next, using a variety of cohesive devices.

Task response

Go deeper into the effects of obesity on children's personal and social lives.

Coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion well.

Task response

The essay identifies key causes of childhood obesity and illustrates them with relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

234 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

sedentary lifestyle
nutritional value
screen time
socio-economic factors
chronic diseases
self-esteem
bullying
financial burden
promote healthy eating
physical activity
whole grains
education and awareness
policy and regulation
subsidies
fast food
obesity-related conditions

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
In many countries it is very easy to apply for and be given credit card. However, this causes some people to have problems with debt they cannot pay back. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Although credit cards are easily approved in several countries, however these quick approvals can sometimes lead to the problem of bad debt for banks. This essay will demonstrate how early approvals can generate benefits like liquidity and ease for customers but at the same time can lead to bigger issue such as uncertainity for banks and bad credit score for customers. Whilist acknowledging that there are plenty advantages of this scheme, the essay will argue that the advantages outweigh disadvantages.
7.5
band
Completing university is the best way to get a job. while others believe that experience and developing soft skills is more important. discuss both views and give your opinion
In our present society education is unquestionably one of the most controversial topics to debate these days. This affects all of us since studies show significant equality between university studies and better chances to find a job. In fact, getting a degree opens plenty of gates in the working area, but it is crucial to develop different kinds of social skills, such as qualitative thinking and experiences. This essay will elucidate my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs.
7
band
The rise of social media platforms has made it easier for people to vent their frustrations and complaints publicly. What is the consequence of this trend? Is there any benefit to expressing complaints on social media?
Social Media is a tool that is becoming quite popular these days because of its user-friendly features. It helps every individual to share their views and vent their frustrations publicly. But like a coin, these social networking sites also have two sides. While there are advantages, there are many drawbacks because of this.
4.5
band
Some people think that young people should spend free time with families instead of outside entertainment; others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
No one can deny that several people think young individuals should spend free time with their families instead of outside entertainment, while other people have opponents to this position. It is vital to admit that both views have their own reasoning. Although I understand why some people disagree that leisure time for young generations should be with families, I am still strongly in favour of this position.
5
band
Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that ‘money cannot buy happiness’. Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?
In today's contemporary world, being financially stable plays an important role in shaping society's opinion and will also decide whether or not an individual is leading a pleasant life. There is a common debate where most people argue that 'money cannot buy happiness' whereas others strongly believe that their is no life without funds. This essay will briefly examine key factors of the former and the latter , and will justify the opinion with examples.

The percentage of overweight children in western countries has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.

Fully explain your ideas

In many countries it is very easy to apply for and be given credit card. However, this causes some people to have problems with debt they cannot pay back. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Completing university is the best way to get a job. while others believe that experience and developing soft skills is more important. discuss both views and give your opinion

The rise of social media platforms has made it easier for people to vent their frustrations and complaints publicly. What is the consequence of this trend? Is there any benefit to expressing complaints on social media?

Some people think that young people should spend free time with families instead of outside entertainment; others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that ‘money cannot buy happiness’. Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?