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Band 5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others belive that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #university #students #study #belive #subjects #future #science #technology
One of the important
choice
Change to a plural noun
choices
show examples
 everyone makes is which
subject
 to
study
. The chosen
subject
 has a great impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the trajectory of
everyone
Change noun form
everyone's
show examples
 life.
While
 some believe that students need to concentrate on how useful the
subject
 is, others think that they need to follow their passion. I believe that students have to think about their future and
study
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 that can be beneficial for them. There is a
peramount
Correct your spelling
paramount
impotance
Correct your spelling
importance
 of what we choose to
study
,
therefore
 it
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to
take
Wrong verb form
be taken
show examples
 with much caution and consideration.
First
Add a comma
First,
show examples
 a degree is most likely to take 3 years to finish,
thus
 it is not something we can
easely
Correct your spelling
easily
 do again, second most of the time is
expansive
Correct your spelling
expensive
show examples
 thereby
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to
take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
 a loan.
Therefore
 many students find themselves graduating with a deep debt they need to return, and those who choose a
non useful
Add a hyphen
non-useful
show examples
 degree will have
harder
Correct article usage
a harder
show examples
 to
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 so.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 when they have their own family, they will want to give them the best education
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 having money is imperative.
However
, following your passion is
essencial
Correct your spelling
essential
 for great success, people who follow their desire are increasing their
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 success,
compered
Correct your spelling
compared
show examples
 to people
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 money and status
leaded
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 them.
therefore
 choosing to
study
 subjects based
soley
Correct your spelling
solely
 on its
advanges
Correct your spelling
advantages
advances
 in the future significantly
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the risk
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 depression and
quiting
Correct your spelling
quitting
.
To sum up
, I believe that people need to choose their diploma based on its usefulness but at the same time be aware that it can lead to obstacles and
difficulities
Correct your spelling
difficulties
 in the future.
Submitted by dahielomer2 on

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task achievement
Work on ensuring that your ideas are expressed more clearly and are comprehensive. This means ensuring your sentences convey complete thoughts without ambiguity.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by enhancing the logical flow between ideas. Consider using transitional phrases more effectively to connect different sections of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Clarify and expand your paragraphs to ensure each one supports a single idea relating back to your thesis. This will strengthen coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively bookend the discussion.
logical structure
The main points are well-supported and logically structured, making the argument stronger.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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