IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at Queen Mary Hospital since its construction in 1960

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at Queen Mary Hospital since its construction in 1960
#diagrams #show #changes #place #queen #mary #construction
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The three pie charts illustrate the switch in annual spending by regional authorities in
someland
Correct your spelling
some land
homeland
 in 1980 and 1990, 2000
years
Use synonyms
 in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
all three
years
Use synonyms
 higher
education
Use synonyms
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 the best
percentage
Use synonyms
 in annual spending and every
ten
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 environmental services improved.
For instance
Linking Words
,Higher
education
Use synonyms
 in 1980year
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 the 35 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and the after
ten
Use synonyms
 year in 1990 higher
education
Use synonyms
 was improved to
ten
Use synonyms
 per
cent
Use synonyms
,in 2000year the per
cent
Use synonyms
 was decreased to five per
cent
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, Environmental services
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 improved every 10
years
Use synonyms
.In the middle of 1980 and 1990
years
Use synonyms
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
indicator
Use synonyms
 was improved by
1per
Correct your spelling
1 per
cent
Use synonyms
,but in the middle of 1990 and 2000
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
indicator
Use synonyms
 was improved to four per
cent
Use synonyms
. In comparison,other expenditure was worsened every
ten
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
.In
1980
Change the article
the 1980
show examples
 year the
indicator
Use synonyms
 was six per
cent
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 in
2000
Change the article
the 2000
show examples
year
Add a comma
year,
show examples
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
indicator
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
worsened to 1 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Most
Correct article usage
The most
show examples
 volatile expenses
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 k-12
education
Use synonyms
 and health and human resources,
transportation
Correct word choice
and transportation
show examples
. the percentages fluctuated widely, and with each passing
decade
Add a comma
decade,
show examples
 the percentages either improved or decreased.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, education, percentage, ten, cent, indicator with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "improved" was used 6 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • renovation
  • expansion
  • modernization
  • facilities
  • departments
  • adjacent structures
  • patient care
  • medical technology
  • specialized centers
  • eco-friendly initiatives
  • initial layout
  • construction
  • extensions
  • improvements
  • community health services
  • capabilities
  • repurposing
  • developments
  • efficiency
  • upgrades
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