IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high portion of young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#university #places #portion #people
It is indisputable that providing university seats for a massive percentage of adolescent
students
 exerts a profound and wide-ranging influence on
students
' success.
However
, older
people
 are a more effective approach.
However
, I contend that
while
 providing places for young
students
 plays a pivotal and indispensable role in contemporary society, it
also
 presents some negative consequences that should not be overlooked. In terms of the positive side, young
people
 have the ability, and persistence to succeed. The primary justification offered in favour of
this
 assertion is that they are the next generation of
this
 world so they still maintain the ability to remember and save information.
For instance
, a British scientist made a study between two
students
 pursuing postgraduate, the first person was 24 years old so his brain was still fast responding and combed,
while
 the other person did not have the same fast reaction because of his old age.
In other words
,
this
 simple fact highlights the importance of the age factor.
In addition
, the student who is young will work for a long time after he graduated unlike the elderly.
Additionally
, older
students
 have experience in life, and adorable brains which will help them excel in the education section.
Although
 adolescent
students
 are a better solution for the business community, we can not deny the experiment elderly
people
 had in their lives. In conclusion, it is evident that universities have the freedom to offer places for
people
, but they must ensure that steps are taken to improve
this
 phenomenon in the future.
Submitted by bajahzar90 on

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task achievement
The essay's task response is somewhat complete but not fully developed. Try to provide a clearer position with balanced arguments that consistently align with your viewpoint.
task achievement
Some main points are relevant but lack full development and support. Use more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay's logical structure is adequate but could be improved. Consider reorganizing some sentences for better flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking ideas between paragraphs more smoothly to improve cohesion. Use connecting words or phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, providing a framework for the content.
task achievement
Efforts were made to provide a balance by discussing both younger and older students in relation to university seats.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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