IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that real life skills like cooking, housekeeping and gardening should be included in the curriculum as compulsory subjects? Do you agree or disagree? Explain your opinion, using specific reasons and details.

#people #life #skills #curriculum #subjects
It is a contentious issue whether household courses should be included in a curriculum or not. I concur that those are not subjects that we should learn from teachers. Precisely, members of our family should
learn
Verb problem
teach
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 us them after classes.
To begin
 with, If parents pay
the
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apply
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attention to learn kids, they will spend enough time
on
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apply
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practicing skills
such
 as cooking, cleaning and gardening. The
government
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government's
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 role is to prepare kids
to
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for
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the
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their
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 future
career
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careers
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 and give them
an
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apply
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access to
the
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apply
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basic knowledge.
For example
, how to speak, write, count and read. Changing tasks of the education system would negatively impact
young
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the young
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 generation because they would be overwhelmed by a number of additional compulsory things to do.
Moreover
, it is a waste of time for a majority of students. It is something we anyway will deal with later on in our lives. There is no urgent need to spend additional hours on things that we will learn in practice in our free time.
For instance
, when going to
the
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apply
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university people mature and are forced to learn how to deal with
an
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apply
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adult life tasks. They are learning from an experience which is the most effective way.
Therefore
, institutional help would be just a waste of
the
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apply
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public resources.
To sum up
, I strongly opt for
real life
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real-life
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 skills development to stay as a private responsibility. Some people believe it’s better to include them in a student’s schedule;
however
. I believe it should be fully on
a
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the
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 side of the parents since the other way
round
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around
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 it would waste
to
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too
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 much money and effort.
Submitted by Aga on

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task achievement
Provide stronger examples to support your points. While the examples given are relevant, they could be more specific to better illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structures for clarity and precision. A few sentences were slightly unclear due to choice of diction.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction that outlines your stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical flow of ideas from introduction to conclusion, maintaining coherence throughout.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and reinforces your thesis.

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