IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that real life skills like cooking, housekeeping and gardening should be included in the curriculum as compulsory subjects? Do you agree or disagree? Explain your opinion, using specific reasons and details.

#people #life #skills #curriculum #subjects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is a contentious issue whether household courses should be included in a curriculum or not. I concur that those are not subjects that we should learn from teachers. Precisely, members of our family should
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
 us them after classes.
To begin
 with, If parents pay
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attention to learn kids, they will spend enough time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
practicing skills
such
 as cooking, cleaning and gardening. The
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 role is to prepare kids
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and give them
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
access to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic knowledge.
For example
, how to speak, write, count and read. Changing tasks of the education system would negatively impact
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation because they would be overwhelmed by a number of additional compulsory things to do.
Moreover
, it is a waste of time for a majority of students. It is something we anyway will deal with later on in our lives. There is no urgent need to spend additional hours on things that we will learn in practice in our free time.
For instance
, when going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university people mature and are forced to learn how to deal with
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult life tasks. They are learning from an experience which is the most effective way.
Therefore
, institutional help would be just a waste of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public resources.
To sum up
, I strongly opt for
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 skills development to stay as a private responsibility. Some people believe it’s better to include them in a student’s schedule;
however
. I believe it should be fully on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 side of the parents since the other way
round
Correct your spelling
around
show examples
 it would waste
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much money and effort.
Submitted by Aga on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide stronger examples to support your points. While the examples given are relevant, they could be more specific to better illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structures for clarity and precision. A few sentences were slightly unclear due to choice of diction.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction that outlines your stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical flow of ideas from introduction to conclusion, maintaining coherence throughout.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and reinforces your thesis.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: