IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that in many cities around the world there are constant traffic jams. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from owning cars?

#car #ownership #thirty #years #cities #world #traffic #jams #measures #governments #people #cars
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Nowadays,the
number
 of people using
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 has been significantly increasing especially,in the
last
 three decades.Since
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
had been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 developed,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 became one of the most popular methods of
transportation
due to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
 causing traffic jams.The following paragraphs will be discussed in detail as to whether
this
 is true and the solutions to
this
 problem. It is true to say that traffic jams
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 one of the major problems in many countries.Capital
cities
 or the
cities
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 people are crowded have suffered the most.
For instance
,in my city travelling
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
three kilometres can take an hour to commute
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 rush hour.
Consequently
,the incidence of
transportation
 accidents is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
clear evidence of
this
 problem
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
 it has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accumulated rapidly owning to
growing
Add an article
the growing
a growing
show examples
number
 of
car
ownership
Replace the word
owners
show examples
. The ways to cope with
this
 issue require multiple methods.
Firstly
,in order to persuade
car
 users to take public
transportation
 ,the government should improve
this
 system so that it is easily accessible and the price is affordable.
Additionally
,Increasing the taxes
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
car
purphases
Correct your spelling
purchases
 and the taxes
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 entering
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
capital
cities
 are
also
 beneficial pushing them toward public
transportation
.
Moreover
,expanding the civilization to nearby
cities
resulting
Wrong verb form
resulted
show examples
 in
decreasing
Correct article usage
a decreasing
show examples
number
 of housing residents which lead to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
number
 of cars. To summarize,it can be seen clearly that
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been
rise
Change the verb form
rising
risen
show examples
 rapidly and
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 can deal with
this
 problem
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 multiple ways
such
 as
improving
Change preposition
by improving
show examples
 public
transportation
,increasing taxes and expanding civilization.
Submitted by chawanat.pla on

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task and effectively discusses the rise in car ownership and potential solutions. Ensure examples are more specific and relevant to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Try to develop some points further with specific examples or data, which will strengthen your response.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph develops a clear idea with supporting details for better coherence and cohesion. The essay is logically structured but make sure all main points are thoroughly supported.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repetition of phrases and improve variety in sentence structures to enhance readability and interest.
introduction
The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and sets the stage for the discussion.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed, reinforcing the argument.
task achievement
The essay engages well with the topic and attempts to offer multiple solutions, showing a broad understanding of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay helps in guiding the reader clearly from introduction through to conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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