Some people say that young people learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others say that young people who play electronic and computer games waste their time. What are the advantages and disadvantages of computer games? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some
people
believe that young
people
learn
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
skills
by playing electronic
games
on their computers. Others believe that playing electronic
games
on computers wastes the valuable
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
of young
people
. The benefits of playing
computer
games
are increasing the problem-solving and decision-making
skills
of young
people
. The drawbacks of playing
computer
games
are young
people
become addicted to them and it hinders their concentration in their studies. One of the benefits of playing
games
on computers is it increases the problem-solving
skills
of young
people
. In electronic
games
, characters encounter a lot of difficult situations and the
game
players
solve those problems.
Moreover
, playing electronic
games
enhances the decision-making
skills
of the
players
. Electronic
games
have a lot of twists and turns and
players
have to make quick decisions which increases their decision-making
skills
.
For instance
, a famous
computer
game
RoboCop has a lot of thrills and twists which
compels
Correct subject-verb agreement
compel
show examples
the
players
to make quick decisions to survive
while
playing.
This
enhances the decision-making
skills
of the
players
. One drawback of playing
computer
games
is young
people
become addicted to them. They constantly play
computer
games
hour after hour forgetting their daily responsibilities. Another downside of playing
computer
games
is it hinders the concentration of young
people
. They cannot properly concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their studies after playing
games
for a long time.
For example
, in 2020, in the UK, the annual results of teenage children of a higher secondary school
severely
Add a missing verb
were severely
show examples
affected after the launch of a video
game
. Children
invested
Wrong verb form
invest
show examples
Add an article
a
show examples
significant amount of their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
playing that
game
and it hinders their performance at school. In conclusion, playing electronic
games
hinders the concentration of young
people
and they become addicted to
games
.
However
, playing electronic
games
has some benefits as it enhances
their
Change the word
the
show examples
problem-solving and decision-making
skills
of young
people
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied transition words or phrases to link your points and ideas together smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-structured, with clear topic sentences followed by supporting details and examples.
task achievement
Try to balance the discussion on both sides (advantages and disadvantages) equally, spending an equal amount of analysis on both aspects.
task achievement
Develop your arguments more fully by providing more detailed explanations or examples for your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction that outlines the main advantages and disadvantages of playing computer games.
task achievement
Strong use of specific examples, such as the example of the RoboCop game and the UK school performance, which help to support your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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