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Writing Samples
Band 5

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. The Relationship Between Age and Crime, last year Types of Property Crime in the UK, last year

#summarise #information #features #comparisons #relationship #age #crime #year #property #uk
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The two diagrams present data regarding criminal activity in the UK during the past year. Specifically, the line chart demonstrates the frequency of criminal acts
according to
Linking Words
 age,
whereas
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 the pie chart represents a distribution of various types of crimes. On the whole, one can observe that the majority of criminal offences are violent and predominantly perpetrated by younger individuals. Criminal behaviour commenced notably early, following the age of 8. The number of
such
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 crimes escalated significantly with age culminating in a peak of 800,000 felonies committed by those aged 20.
Subsequently
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 , the figure plummeted by 75% to 28, after which the rate gradually decreased. At 60, the crime rate was under 100,000. Concerning the types of unlawful activities, nearly fifty
percent
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per cent
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 were violent offences,
while
Linking Words
 theft and burglary, alongside
with
Change preposition
apply
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the illicit drug trade, accounted for comparable proportions at 23% and 22%, respectively. Merely 9% constituted public order offences.
Submitted by vikavika024 on

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Task Achievement
You have effectively summarized the main features from both the line chart and pie chart, highlighting the key observations. Consider adding a brief conclusion to encapsulate the main insights and reinforce the comparisons made between the types of crimes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-structured and coherent, with clear segmentation between different types of information. Consider using more linking phrases to further enhance the flow between sentences.
Task Achievement
You have clearly identified the relationship between age and crime, providing specific data to support your point.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes a logical structure with a well-defined introduction and separate paragraphs focusing on different aspects of the data.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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