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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Presently, most products and drinks contain artificial sugar which can cause health problems. Some believe governments should make all these products more expensive to solve the problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#products #drinks #sugar #health #believe #governments
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Nowadays sugar is a constituent of most factory-made foods and beverages.
This
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 can lead to many health issues. Some people argue that authorities must make these products less accessible by increasing their
prices
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 idea on one condition that governments are able to replace them with healthier alternatives. On the one hand, too much consumption of sugar can cause both mental and physical damage. Research has proved kids who frequently snack on junk food containing artificial sugar, do not perform well at school because of the deteriorating effect it has on their brain and cognitive ability. From another aspect, consumers of these products get overweight or suffer from diseases like diabetes gradually and need to go on rigid diets. So setting higher
prices
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 is a good policy as was done in the Czech Republic about increasing the price of meat to decrease the amount of its consumption in people's daily diet.
On the other hand
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, when manufacturing a product is restricted by any means, it has to be replaced by a better choice, so the
decision makers
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decision-makers
show examples
 of a country have to think twice before raising the
prices
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. In the Czech Republic, a wide variety of vegetables were put into
market
Correct article usage
the market
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 at reasonable
prices
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 to boost the people’s general health. In conclusion, I believe it’s a good decision to make sugary products less popular by making them pricier, but a replacement has to be considered before taking the action.
Submitted by faranakasadzadian on

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introduction conclusion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your main argument or thesis to set a solid foundation for your essay.
supported main points
Develop your points with more detailed examples to add depth to your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
Maintain clear and comprehensive ideas by avoiding overly complex sentence structures that may confuse the reader.
logical structure
Your essay possesses a clear logical structure, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
relevant specific examples
You have effectively provided specific examples, such as the Czech Republic's pricing strategy, to support your points.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion summarises your points well and reaffirms your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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