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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some pople think that students should learn main subjects only. To what extent do you agree?

#pople #students #subjects
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In the modern era, many people claim that studying major
subjects
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 only is the best choice for
students
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. I completely agree with
this
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 statement
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due to
Change preposition
for
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 a variety of reasons
such
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 as developing
students
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' talents a hbjcr6nd reducing the stress of the pupils. On the one hand, studying other
subjects
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 with main
subjects
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such
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 as Art and Music can help
students
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 to progress their talents. Teaching
students
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 other skills as singing or drawing is a good step for them,
this
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 could give them a chance to to improve what they like to do. It is not correct to focus just on one field. The prime example is in Oman , where many
students
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 entered
to
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apply
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the competition and they won
by
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apply
show examples
the prize. These perhaps one reason why
students
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 feel excited about starting the next semester.
On the other hand
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, studying just specific
subjects
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 may be a reason for hating school for some children. They may feel so stressed for them.
In addition
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, they need to change their routine by studying other fields
such
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 as sports or music
for example
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.
For instance
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, In China, the number of
students
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 who did not go to school rose gradually when the government cancelled studying art at school.
To conclude
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, I believe that studying the main
subjects
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 is more important than studying others.
However
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,
this
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 does not mean that pupils do not need to study secondary
subjects
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. Each
curreculam
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curriculum
subjects
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 have its own importance. So all of them are
importante
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important
 for learners.
Submitted by hasnaalbrashdi on

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improvement
Make sure all your points are clearly supported with evidence or examples. Some parts of your essay could benefit from more specific examples or details to strengthen your arguments.
improvement
Avoid minor grammatical errors, such as repeated words ("to to") and agreement errors ("one reason" should have been "reasons"). These do not greatly impact the meaning but polishing them can enhance readability.
improvement
Consider providing more balance in your arguments to fully explore why some people might disagree with the idea.
content
The introduction presents a clear position on the topic, outlining the main reasons for agreement—this sets a clear direction for the essay.
content
A good attempt at discussing both sides of the argument by highlighting how focusing solely on main subjects might not be favorable for all students.
evidence
The essay successfully includes specific examples to support the points made, such as the example from Oman and China. This adds depth to your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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