IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many employees can now do their work from home using modern technology. However, this change may only benefit workers, not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The rise of
technology
Use synonyms
 has been heralded as a way for workers to do their job effectively in present.
While
Linking Words
 I agree that
technology
Use synonyms
 is beneficial to
employees
Use synonyms
 to some extent, I believe that there are certain situations where it is useful for bosses. There are several reasons why the improvement of
technology
Use synonyms
 can provide advantages for workers.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the development of science and
technology
Use synonyms
 can be user-friendly for
employees
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a worker who uses
technology
Use synonyms
 products, like a recording pen, can easily record the meeting
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they just need to press the button on the recording pen.
In addition
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological advancement can help
employees
Use synonyms
 stimulate their inspiration. When they get a project from their boss, they can utilize application programs like Deepseek to find out
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clues about their work.
However
Linking Words
, I would argue that in some cases, the rise of
technology
Use synonyms
 not only helps
employees
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 their
employers
Use synonyms
. One reason is that
employers
Use synonyms
 can use the outcomes of technological advancement which is the application program to solve the problems about
employees
Use synonyms
’ mental health.
For instance
Linking Words
, workers may feel uncomfortable or
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
under
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 unhealthy environment at work.
Employers
Use synonyms
 can ask for help
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 artificial intelligence, which can find solutions to ease
employees
Use synonyms
’
burden
Fix the agreement mistake
burdens
show examples
 like improving their work environment or increasing some coffee time.
Secondly
Linking Words
, modern
technology
Use synonyms
 can help
employers
Use synonyms
 achieve economic growth in their own
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
.
Like they
Change preposition
They
show examples
 can use it to analyze the shock market and
find
Verb problem
apply
show examples
chase down the most potential one that
raise
Change the verb form
raises
show examples
 more funds for
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 projects
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 they want to invest. In conclusion, it seems to me that the development of
technology
Use synonyms
 indeed
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
 great convenience and efficient productivity, it
also
Linking Words
 has advantages
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers
Use synonyms
 for their problem-solving and
rise
Verb problem
apply
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 economic growth
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their companies.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well, but consider rephrasing your thesis statement for clarity. For example, instead of saying 'there are certain situations where it is useful for bosses,' specify how technology can benefit them specifically.
coherence and cohesion
In the body paragraphs, ensure each point is clearly linked back to the main argument. Use more cohesive devices like 'Additionally,' 'Moreover,' or 'On the other hand' to better connect your ideas.
task achievement
Your examples could be enhanced by providing more depth. For instance, explain how the recording pen specifically benefits the employee's productivity in relation to their work tasks.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes the main points clearly, without introducing new information. Consider restating your viewpoint more emphatically.
task achievement
You effectively recognize both the employees' and employers' perspectives on technology's benefits, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, like the recording pen and artificial intelligence, adds relevance to your arguments and helps illustrate your points.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: