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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some parents believe that their children should do educational activities during their free time. Others say that in this way children are underpressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#parents #children #activities #time #underpressure
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All
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents
wants
Change the verb form
want
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 their
children
Use synonyms
 to have a strong education, some of them think that educational
activities
Use synonyms
 will give their
children
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 an advantage
on
Change preposition
in
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 their
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
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, but not
every one
Replace the word
everyone
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have
Change the verb form
has
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 the same thinking. There are many fathers and mothers dissagree, and say that educational
activities
Use synonyms
 have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of disadvantages on their academic,
such
Linking Words
 as pressure and more educational hating and these reasons why they think its batter that they do not put more pressure on the students by make them do more educational
activities
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, some
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents
thinks
Change the verb form
think
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 that every child must use a
lot
Use synonyms
 of his time
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing educational
activities
Use synonyms
, and
that is
Linking Words
 not good for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young people, because it will
make
Verb problem
have
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 a wrong
affect
Replace the word
effect
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 on them by adding a
lot
Use synonyms
 more pressure, and I think the best thing to do is having time
mannegment
Correct your spelling
management
, that will make it a
lot
Use synonyms
 easier not just on the student ,
also
Linking Words
 on the parents and it will make a good
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 on the
children
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 academic.
Finally
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, I would like to say that every parent wants the best for their
children
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 but they must know what is the right way to make their
children
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 not just good on their academic but
also
Linking Words
 feel happy and have a time to do what they love,
such
Linking Words
 as playing football or swimming, and in my opinion, when the
children
Use synonyms
 are happy that will make a good affect on their education.
Submitted by axik070 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, you can work on organizing your points more clearly. Make sure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. This will help your ideas connect more seamlessly.
task achievement
In terms of task response, make sure to address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. Providing more examples or elaborating on specific points could enhance your arguments, making them more convincing.
task achievement
The introduction effectively outlines both sides of the argument, setting up the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion nicely sums up your opinion and reiterates the importance of balancing educational activities with leisure time.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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