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Band 4.5

Some people think that government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagre

#people #government #money #science #subjects #country #progress #disagre
There is
not
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no
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 doubt that these days many
people
 find that the government
forced
Add a missing verb
is forced
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 to spend money on teaching
science
 rather
that
Correct word choice
than
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 other different subjects, to encourage
people
 to deep
in of
Change preposition
into
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reaserch
Correct your spelling
research
 and different topics in
science
.In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss the claim and draw my personal opinion. In terms of
positive
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the positive
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 side of view,
people
 who totally agree with
foucsing
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focusing
 on teaching
science
 have several opinions.
Firstly
, they find
the
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that
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scince
Correct your spelling
science
 is the subject that
feed
Change the verb form
feeds
show examples
 other subjects,
in other words
 without
science
 you will not
able
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be able
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 to move forward with others.
Secondly
, In on research paper, They mention that there is 81.9% of
people
those
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 gain
wied
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apply
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knowledge in
science
they
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apply
show examples
are able to find jobs more than others with 84% probability. The main reason that
support
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supports
show examples
 the claim is that there
is
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are
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 many
people
find
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who find
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 the effect of
study
Replace the word
studying
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science
 in
there
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their
show examples
 lives that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 it better
to
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for to
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 them
of
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apply
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engage in daily tasks in
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 jobs .
Besides
, the effect of
gain
Replace the word
gaining
show examples
 knowledge in
science
help
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helps
show examples
 the creative thinking skills which are
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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highly significant to
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
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 solving. Another opinion
it
Correct your spelling
is
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 that, some
people
 agree with
balincing
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balancing
 on teaching
differen
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different
 subjects because each subject
support
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supports
show examples
 the other and there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no two
people
 in the world
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
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 the same brain with
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 skills,
For example
, we can find
people
 are more creative in art than math ,
in other
words
Add the comma(s)
words,
show examples
 the minds never matched.
Moveover
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Moreover
, improving the
science
 sector plays
essential
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an essential
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 role
to make
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in making
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huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 in
the
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apply
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society , to
illusrate
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illustrate
, including
the
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apply
show examples
scientific clubs and events in schools will build kids that
searching
Wrong verb form
search
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 for reasons
in
Change preposition
for
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 problems rather than waiting
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the results. So they will learn how to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
effective solutions and logical conclusions. In conclusion, teaching
science
 is
Correct article usage
a conrtrovesial
show examples
conrtrovesial
Correct your spelling
controversial
 issue at
this
 time. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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diversity is required in
in
Remove the redundancy
apply
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our century we can not prefer
skill
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one skill
show examples
on
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over
show examples
 another.
Submitted by haneenbinbshir on

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay supports main points with clear examples and evidence. This will help to provide a stronger response to the prompt.
task achievement
Clarify the position taken in the essay and develop ideas more deeply. It may be beneficial to structure paragraphs around clear topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by using clear paragraphing and linking ideas together more effectively. This will help with the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence variety and syntax to ensure clarity. Some sentences may be overly complex, leading to confusion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by considering both sides of the issue, which demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion is present that attempts to summarize the author's viewpoint, which helps to establish a completed response.
task achievement
Some arguments are connected to real-world impacts, like the influence of science on employment and problem-solving.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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