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Band 2

In most successful organisations, some people believe that communication between managers and workers is important, other people say that other factors are more important. What is your opinion?

#organisations #people #communication #managers #workers #factors
Some people believe that
communication
 between managers and
workers
 is important
while
 others believe that other factors are important. I personally believe that
while
communication
 between managers and
workers
 is important,
communication
 between
clients
 and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
workers
 is more important because a
company
's performance depends on that.
Communication
 between
clients
 and
workers
 shows the performance of an organization. The performance of a
company
 is based on the
clients
Fix the agreement mistake
client
show examples
 and
workers
Change the noun form
worker
show examples
 relationship. If
clients
 provide positive feedback about a
company
, the
company
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gain
reputation
Correct article usage
a reputation
show examples
 in the field.
For example
, Google is a famous
company
 only because its customers always provide positive feedback regarding the relationship
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
workers
 and
clients
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider providing a more detailed conclusion to summarize your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify the organisational structure of your essay by outlining the main points in the introduction.
Task Achievement
Develop your arguments further with more examples or counterarguments to provide a balanced view.
Task Achievement
Your essay clearly states your opinion and provides reasoning to support it.
Task Achievement
The example about Google effectively illustrates your point about client-worker communication.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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