IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #hobbies
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In
this
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 essay, we are going to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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hobbies
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 and the level of
complication
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complications
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 that can make
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 frustrating. I don't agree with that statement.
People
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 have diverse interests and
hobbies
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 that are not necessarily related to their main major. Certainly, activities
such
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 as drawing or writing are often considered as a hard hobby. They include a lot of energy , creativity and attention.
For instance
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, to paint a portrait
or
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of
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 nature , we need different
equipments
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equipment
,
such
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 as paintings , special pens, pencils, easels ,
tassels
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and tassels
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. These materials are essential for creating the art.
Furthermore
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, there is an algorithm for how
people
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 might draw. Many parents hire tutors to help their children learn about drawing and to have a new hobby.
Therefore
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,
this
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 type of spending free time requires a lot of effort and financial planning. No Despite these aspects,
people
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 still find drawing one of the most interesting things to do. If we look at other
hobbies
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, we find numerous examples of activities that don't require too much attention and focus on them. There are plenty
examples
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of examples
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 like reading books or poetry, listening to podcasts,
music
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and music
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 ,
playing
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and playing
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 games. Reading is a good way to enjoy your day and to improve your education. Books have a great amount of diverse literacy genres. These various genres are able to increase
skills
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the skills
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 of any hobby. To give an instance, we may look through books about gardening. Merely looking at the few pages gives us basic knowledge about how to grow flowers or vegetables.
People
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 don't spend all of their free time on plants or flowers. They may read
theory
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theories
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 about it and
to
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apply
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be satisfied with knowledge . In conclusion, everyone may decide what is more interesting to them. Some
people
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 choose complicated
hobbies
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 and are into
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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,
while
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 others prefer activities that are less difficult to relax from routine.
Submitted by nana_skylife on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic, but could enhance clarity by clearly aligning each paragraph with distinct viewpoints or supporting points. Try to implement topic sentences to better organize your points.
coherence cohesion
While you have included transitions and some linking words, strengthening these connections can ensure a smoother flow through your essay. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and explanations for the arguments raised in your essay. This will improve the depth of the response and demonstrate a stronger engagement with the task.
introduction conclusion present
You introduce the topic clearly and provide a reasonable conclusion that reflects your discussion in the essay.
relevant specific examples
The essay uses relevant examples to support your disagreement with the statement, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unique challenge
  • personal growth
  • mastery
  • accomplishment
  • demanding
  • thrill of achievement
  • pastimes
  • fostering
  • sense of community
  • mindfulness
  • stress relief
  • mental break
  • daily stressors
What to do next:
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