IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#emphasis #education #students #government #money #time #activities #people
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It is argued that
education
Use synonyms
 fees for students lead
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 of the
government
Use synonyms
,
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 should prioritize the investment in leisure
activities
Use synonyms
 for young people.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees with that suggestion because schooling is far more important than entertainment.
Education
Use synonyms
 is a necessary part of human being development. A citizen with no
education
Use synonyms
 and with a weak level of schooling
can’t
Use synonyms
 be more beneficial for society than someone who is an expert in entertainment.
However
Linking Words
, the term “
education
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” has to be
well defined
Add a hyphen
well-defined
show examples
. Indeed, materials taught at school don’t only involve knowledge
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 science or literature, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
also
Linking Words
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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 a strong awareness
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the way of life and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
respect
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other, qualities that are essential for anyone and, that
can’t
Use synonyms
 be learnt on a soccer pitch or on a theatre scene.
For instance
Linking Words
, a majority of professional football players become ruined after the end of their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 because of the lack of
education
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 they are featuring. These
lasts
Change the verb form
last
show examples
 generally don’t know how to invest their money and find huge difficulties
to find
Change preposition
in finding
show examples
 jobs in other sectors. It is true that extra-time
activities
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 like the practice of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 or volunteering might be consequential for a balanced spirit.
However
Linking Words
, the
principle
Correct your spelling
principal
show examples
 aim of
government
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 is to bring up reliable citizens with an upvalue for the whole community. The point is that politics
can’t
Use synonyms
 be involved in every aspect of someone’s life. There is a fundamental structure provided by the country for its
habitants
Correct your spelling
inhabitants
show examples
 like
education
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 and health care infrastructures.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
can’t
Use synonyms
 get involved in everything though.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, extra
activities
Use synonyms
 are allowed and encouraged at public schools,
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 associations and
sport’s
Change noun form
sports
show examples
 practice.
For example
Linking Words
, high schools and universities are distinguished by their official
sport’s
Change noun form
sports
show examples
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
show examples
 and numerous tournaments are regularly organized. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 should give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
priority to the improvement of public
education
Use synonyms
. In fact, a powerful country goes inescapably through
well educated
Add a hyphen
well-educated
show examples
 people.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, training at school
also
Linking Words
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 a certain knowledge in art, sport and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of other extra
activities
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.
Submitted by namoisma on

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task achievement
Work on refining your thesis statement to clearly indicate your stance and outline the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.
task achievement
Double check for language precision to eliminate any possible confusion for the reader.
introduction conclusion present
You present a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument effectively.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point.
supported main points
Your arguments are well supported by general examples, contributing to the task response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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