Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree
It is argued that
education
fees for students lead the
Change preposition
to the
spendings
of the Fix the agreement mistake
spending
government
, who
should prioritize the investment in leisure Correct pronoun usage
which
activities
for young people. This
essay disagrees with that suggestion because schooling is far more important than entertainment.
Education
is a necessary part of human being development. A citizen with no education
and with a weak level of schooling can’t
be more beneficial for society than someone who is an expert in entertainment. However
, the term “education
” has to be well defined
. Indeed, materials taught at school don’t only involve knowledge Add a hyphen
well-defined
in
science or literature, but Change preposition
of
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
also
provides
a strong awareness Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
in
the way of life and Change preposition
of
the
respect Correct article usage
apply
of
Change preposition
for
the
other, qualities that are essential for anyone and, that Correct article usage
apply
can’t
be learnt on a soccer pitch or on a theatre scene. For instance
, a majority of professional football players become ruined after the end of their career
because of the lack of Fix the agreement mistake
careers
education
they are featuring. These lasts
generally don’t know how to invest their money and find huge difficulties Change the verb form
last
to find
jobs in other sectors.
It is true that extra-time Change preposition
in finding
activities
like the practice of sport
or volunteering might be consequential for a balanced spirit. Fix the agreement mistake
sports
However
, the principle
aim of Correct your spelling
principal
government
is to bring up reliable citizens with an upvalue for the whole community. The point is that politics can’t
be involved in every aspect of someone’s life. There is a fundamental structure provided by the country for its habitants
like Correct your spelling
inhabitants
education
and health care infrastructures. Government
Correct article usage
The government
can’t
get involved in everything though. Furthermore
, extra activities
are allowed and encouraged at public schools, as
associations and Correct quantifier usage
such as
sport’s
practice. Change noun form
sports
For example
, high schools and universities are distinguished by their official sport’s
Change noun form
sports
team
and numerous tournaments are regularly organized.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
teams
Government
should give Correct article usage
the Government
the
priority to the improvement of public Correct article usage
apply
education
. In fact, a powerful country goes inescapably through well educated
people. Add a hyphen
well-educated
Nevertheless
, training at school also
give
a certain knowledge in art, sport and Change the verb form
gives
a
plenty of other extra Remove the article
apply
activities
.Submitted by namoisma on
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task achievement
Work on refining your thesis statement to clearly indicate your stance and outline the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.
task achievement
Double check for language precision to eliminate any possible confusion for the reader.
introduction conclusion present
You present a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument effectively.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point.
supported main points
Your arguments are well supported by general examples, contributing to the task response.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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