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Writing Samples
Band 4

The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information given.

The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information given.
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The given line graph demonstrates the many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 to Australia by foreigners residents every
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 the table depicts the data of the origin place where are the
visitors
Use synonyms
 from.
Overall
Linking Words
,from 1975 the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 to Australia still rise
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 2005.
Also
Linking Words
 in 1975, Japan
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
where the tourists
come
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
 from the most
however
Linking Words
, it
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 to South Korea in 2005.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 in 1975,Australia have a
visitors
Use synonyms
 at 10
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
then
Linking Words
 improve noticeably to around 16
million
Use synonyms
. After 1985 it
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 significantly
8
Change preposition
by 8
show examples
million
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 in
last
Linking Words
year
Add a comma
year,
show examples
 the number end up at about 31million. For the place where they come from,in 1975
visitors
Use synonyms
 from South Korea are at 2.9
million
Use synonyms
 the
growth
Replace the word
grew
show examples
 to almost 10
million
Use synonyms
, Japan has a
numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
number
show examples
 at 3.2
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 and
end
Wrong verb form
ended
show examples
 up with 12
million
Use synonyms
 China
as well as
Linking Words
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 go up mildly from 0.3 with 0.4 to 0.8
along with
Linking Words
 1.1
million
Use synonyms
.The numbers
Britain
Change preposition
in Britain
show examples
is increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
2
Change preposition
by 2
show examples
million
Use synonyms
 from 0.9
million
Use synonyms
 in 1975
together
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Europe the many
climb
Wrong verb form
climbed
show examples
 from 1.1
million
Use synonyms
 the climb dramatically
3.4
Change preposition
to 3.4
show examples
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
. The total of
visitors
Use synonyms
 from 1975
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 8.8
million
Use synonyms
Linking Words
furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
show examples
 in
2005
Add a comma
2005,
show examples
 it
jump
Wrong verb form
jumped
show examples
 considerably
21.6
Change preposition
from 21.6
show examples
million
Use synonyms
 to 30.4
million
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "climb" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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