Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Owning
to the growing emphasis on student Correct your spelling
Owing
education
, some individuals believe that more government funding should spend
on leisure activities for youth. In my point of view, I completely disagree with Wrong verb form
be spent
this
statement due to
many reasons.
Government
should remain focused on Correct article usage
The government
education
of young pupils. The main purpose is the children will have knowledge. Correct article usage
the education
For example
, science lets people know better about the world. It leads to enhance
new innovative technology to tackle the global issue and Wrong verb form
enhancing
also
improve the human lifestyle . Moreover
, education
allows students
to discover their passions and potential career paths by providing opportunities to explore different fields. For example
, activities like field trips or visits to other schools enable students
to experience various learning environments. Students
are better equipped to identify what truly interests them and make informed decisions about their futures.
Educational
provides numerous benefits, particularly in how it empowers individuals and advances society. With knowledge, you gain access to numerous job opportunities, providing a sense of economic security and reducing financial concerns. Replace the word
Education
Additionally
, educational environments provide valuable social connections, as students
meet diverse groups of people, which can lead to lifelong friendships and professional networks. These connections are crucial in building a supportive community and collaboration in career
. Correct article usage
a career
Also
, these people can be your consultant
during challenging situations when you may not be able to fix things Fix the agreement mistake
consultants
by
your own. Since you have built trust with these individuals, you can consult with them about your problem.
In conclusion, it is considered that prioritizing Change preposition
on
education
provides young pupils with knowledge and greater opportunities. This
actively demonstrates that additional funding may not necessarily need to be allocated for free time activities.Submitted by esaraica on
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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points. For instance, include real-world examples or statistics to bolster your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure transitions between paragraphs are smooth to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring the response.
task achievement
The arguments presented are clear and generally comprehensive, which addresses the task effectively.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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