Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It has been observed that
,
many companies use more Remove the comma
apply
sugar
in their products
such
as food and drink tend
to cause many health issues. It is claimed that Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
people
will influence buying
Wrong verb form
buy
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
products
which have more sugar
,
when the Remove the comma
apply
sugar
products
reach
expensive. I firmly disagree with the given statement and Verb problem
become
this
essay will elaborate and advise why this
happened to support my viewpoint.
The foremost argument to justify my stand is that many foods such
as bread, pasta
will Correct word choice
and pasta
up
to the mark. Add a missing verb
be up
As a result
, many people
who are in the lower stage will suffer a lot to buy their daily commodities. Besides
this
, it is also
true that many help problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
such
as diabetes blood
pressure it is you will occur and consume more Correct word choice
and blood
sugar
. But if we completely stopped
eating Wrong verb form
stop
sugar
how our body gets
more strength or our Correct subject-verb agreement
get
blood
pressure circulation regularly.
Change the punctuation
?
Furthermore
, the other reasons
to prove my point is that the company Fix the agreement mistake
reason
who
produces Correct pronoun usage
that
products
that have high sugar
,
assists the economy. Remove the comma
apply
Consequently
, the country pays more texes
and can develop than Correct your spelling
taxes
the
past. Change preposition
in the
For example
, Coca-Cola companies every year tax approximately 1.1 billion which has great
impact Correct article usage
a great
for
the country Change preposition
on
as well as
the nation.
On the contrary
, some people
counter claimed
the mentioned support. The foremost argument they Correct your spelling
counterclaimed
do
is health Verb problem
make
problem
. Fix the agreement mistake
problems
The
Correct article usage
People
people
who consume more sugar
food or drink, they
face various diseases Correct pronoun usage
apply
such
as obesity, two
types of diabetes. Sometimes it Correct word choice
and two
also
rises
the Correct your spelling
raises
blood
pressure and prevent
the flow of regular Change the verb form
prevents
blood
.
To conclude
the discussion, it can be said that despite the fact of health issues it remains. But it has to maintain the habit of eating. However
, I do not believe that it is necessary to increase the price of products
which have high sugar
. Otherwise
it will impact tremendously for individuals references and a country.Add a comma
Otherwise,
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task response
Focus on directly addressing all parts of the task in your essay. Currently, the emphasis seems more on arguing against increasing sugar prices rather than offering a nuanced perspective. Ensure each paragraph addresses the prompt clearly.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical progression of ideas within paragraphs. Some arguments, like the health benefits of sugar, seem inconsistent without adequate justification.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each main point is well-supported with evidence or clear examples. Some arguments, such as economic benefits, could use more supporting information or figures.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion is present, summarizing the main arguments discussed in the essay, which helps tie the essay together.
task response
Especially in the introduction, you present a clear stance on the issue, which is fundamental for a cohesive argument.