Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It has been observed that
,
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apply
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many companies use more
sugar
in their
products
such
as food and drink
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
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to cause many health issues. It is claimed that
people
will
influence buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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products
which have more
sugar
,
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apply
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when the
sugar
products
reach
Verb problem
become
show examples
expensive. I firmly disagree with the given statement and
this
essay will elaborate and advise why
this
happened to support my viewpoint. The foremost argument to justify my stand is that many foods
such
as bread,
pasta
Correct word choice
and pasta
show examples
will
up
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be up
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to the mark.
As a result
, many
people
who are in the lower stage will suffer a lot to buy their daily commodities.
Besides
this
, it is
also
true that many help
problem
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problems
show examples
such
as diabetes
blood
Correct word choice
and blood
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pressure it is you will occur and consume more
sugar
. But if we completely
stopped
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stop
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eating
sugar
how our body
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
more strength or our
blood
pressure circulation regularly
.
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?
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Furthermore
, the other
reasons
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reason
show examples
to prove my point is that the company
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
produces
products
that have high
sugar
,
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apply
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assists the economy.
Consequently
, the country pays more
texes
Correct your spelling
taxes
and can develop than
the
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in the
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past.
For example
, Coca-Cola companies every year tax approximately 1.1 billion which has
great
Correct article usage
a great
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impact
for
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on
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the country
as well as
the nation.
On the contrary
, some
people
counter claimed
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counterclaimed
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the mentioned support. The foremost argument they
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
is health
problem
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problems
show examples
.
The
Correct article usage
People
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people
who consume more
sugar
food or drink,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
face various diseases
such
as obesity,
two
Correct word choice
and two
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types of diabetes. Sometimes it
also
rises
Correct your spelling
raises
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the
blood
pressure and
prevent
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prevents
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the flow of regular
blood
.
To conclude
the discussion, it can be said that despite the fact of health issues it remains. But it has to maintain the habit of eating.
However
, I do not believe that it is necessary to increase the price of
products
which have high
sugar
.
Otherwise
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Otherwise,
show examples
it will impact tremendously for individuals references and a country.
Submitted by nazmulrafi023 on

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task response
Focus on directly addressing all parts of the task in your essay. Currently, the emphasis seems more on arguing against increasing sugar prices rather than offering a nuanced perspective. Ensure each paragraph addresses the prompt clearly.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical progression of ideas within paragraphs. Some arguments, like the health benefits of sugar, seem inconsistent without adequate justification.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each main point is well-supported with evidence or clear examples. Some arguments, such as economic benefits, could use more supporting information or figures.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion is present, summarizing the main arguments discussed in the essay, which helps tie the essay together.
task response
Especially in the introduction, you present a clear stance on the issue, which is fundamental for a cohesive argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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