IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that the rapid increase in population these days is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Others believe that the world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world’s economy and society.

#people #population #crisis #world #growth #world’s #economy #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is commonly believed that the
increase
 in
world’s
Correct article usage
the world’s
show examples
population
 is not sustainable and will badly affect the global economy. Other people believe that the world’s
increase
 in
population
 is necessary and beneficial, as it drives economic and societal development Some people think that
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
population
increase
 is a bad thing as it may lead to a global crisis. I totally agree with
this
 opinion, because
rise
Add an article
the rise
a rise
show examples
 in the number of people may cause
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 growth in the number of consumers,
therefore
, leading to a high demand and a low supply. Human needs are unlimited,
while
 resources are limited.
For example
, oil companies started to provide
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
less amount of oil
due to
 the
increase
 in consumers.
World
Correct article usage
A world
show examples
population
increase
 is considered a good thing, because, it raises the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working individuals, which positively affects the global economy.
For instance
, most of the work processes require labour. In conclusion, an increasing
population
 may lead to a global crisis, so it may be a bad condition,
while
,
on the other hand
, it may
also
 create the growth of
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 economy.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that each point is supported with detailed examples and explanations to enhance clarity and understanding of your arguments. For instance, while you have mentioned oil as a limited resource, expanding on how this impacts various economies or societies specifically would strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving logical connections between ideas. While your essay follows a clear structure, adding transitional words or phrases could help in making your arguments flow more naturally from one to the next.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, providing a balanced view of both perspectives on the population topic. It introduces the main focus of your essay effectively.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points discussed and provides a balanced view, which underlines the complexities involved in this topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsustainable
  • global crisis
  • growth of the world’s economy
  • rapid increase
  • population
  • sustainability
  • innovation
  • carbon emissions
  • healthcare systems
  • social inequalities
  • technological advancement
  • sustainable practices
  • economic growth
  • workforce
  • consumption
  • environmental conservation
  • housing issues
  • food and water shortages
What to do next:
Look at other essays: