IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more qualified peopleare moving from poor to rich countiries to fill vacancies in specialist areas like engineering. computing and medicine. Some people believe that by encouraging the movement of such people, rich countires are tealing from poor countires. Other feel that this is only part of the natural movement of workers around the world. Discouss both the views and give your opinion.

#peopleare #countiries #vacancies #specialist #areas #medicine #people #movement #countires #part #workers #world #discouss
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It is argued that nowadays there is an influx of professionals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 migrate from poor to rich countries in order to be hired in specific areas like engineering, computing, and medicine.
While
 there is a benefit from utilizing the talented persons, it is feared that it will make the home country worse off.
Nevertheless
, I think
this
 migration will be beneficial for society. The advantage of
this
 migration is that, at a global level, humanity can allocate its best resources to these complex industries in order to maximize the outcome. Developed nations tend to have more support for the
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
,
such
 as better infrastructure and funding.
For instance
,
this
 case can be found in Silicon Valley as most of the management
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
show examples
 in
technological
Add an article
the technological
show examples
 field were led by people with Indian
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
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.
On the other hand
,
this
 movement may create
brain
Correct article usage
a brain
show examples
 drain for the less fortunate country. An exodus of these intelligent individuals will hinder
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
its development as the smart population no longer
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 their ability to the place
there
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 they come from.
However
, there are some redemptions that we can utilize, one of them through collaboration between multiple nations to help the said country. Personally, I am a proponent of the idea that qualified people should move to a better state that can utilize their competencies as it will bring out the best of them
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world.
Nevertheless
, we
also
 need to compensate the poor countries to support their growth where collaboration can be a solution to help them.
Submitted by auliahakim0001 on

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task achievement
To improve your task achievement score, consider providing more specific examples to support your points. Instead of a general mention of Silicon Valley, you could provide a specific instance or statistic that illustrates the impact professionals make in that area.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on making the transitions between ideas smoother by using linking words or phrases that guide the reader through your argument. This will help improve the logical structure and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear introduction and conclusion that frames your arguments effectively. Your conclusion could benefit from a stronger restatement of your opinion or a reflection on the broader implications of the topic.
introduction
You have successfully introduced both viewpoints and provided your opinion clearly in the introduction. This sets a solid foundation for the rest of your essay.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the topic, demonstrating a balanced approach to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your arguments are clearly presented and there is a good flow to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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