Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behaviour? Discuss the reasons and possible results.
It is clear that
both men and women pay attention to how they look and spend much
money on Correct quantifier usage
more
variety
of Add an article
a variety
beauty
products
than before. I think the internet and well-developed technology are the main reasons which lead this
problem. Change preposition
to this
However
, I believe this
issue can be adressed
by taking some steps.
Correct your spelling
addressed
Firstly
, We can not deny that our social life depends on technology. People
use the internet for socialazing
, following the news, Correct your spelling
socializing
interact
with others etc. Wrong verb form
interacting
Therefore
, we exposure
the internet in every Replace the word
expose
aspects
of life. All Change to a singular noun
aspect
people
use plenty of apps such
as instagram
, youtube, Change the capitalization
Instagram
Correct word choice
and snapchat
snapchat
. These apps show Change the capitalization
Snapchat
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
to
a myriad of advertisements regarding Change preposition
apply
beauty
products
. Thus
, people
influce
by these advertisements easily and they buy very range of Wrong verb form
are influenced
beauty
products
even they
are unnecessary. And Correct word choice
if they
besides
there is a growing trend among both men and women about being extremely beautiful/handsome which is an Add a comma
besides,
unhealty
mindset. Correct your spelling
unhealthy
People
became addicted to their looks due to
these taughts
.It is not surprising they waste their all money on looking good.
In my Correct your spelling
thoughts
opinion
some adjustments to tackle the problem should be done at Add a comma
opinion,
governmental
level. If authorities ban Correct article usage
the governmental
this kind
of advertisements and pop-ups, Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
people
will buy beauty
materials less or only their
needs. Change preposition
for their
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
people
who are addicted beauty
should be rehabilitated in certain therapy centers.
In conclusion, we all have to Change preposition
to beauty
except
that we live in the technology age and we can’t escape from it. All Correct your spelling
accept
people
face different types of products
, videos etc. related to being good-looking so they spend their budget on these staffs. Consequently
if we can’t stop our exposure Add a comma
Consequently,
of
them, governments should focus on Change preposition
to
this
problem and fix it by
new adjustments.Change preposition
with
Submitted by aslikaratepe00 on
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Structure
The essay presents a clear structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, creating a sense of cohesion.
Identification of Causes
The candidate identifies the role of technology and the internet as key factors influencing increased expenditure on beauty products.
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- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
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- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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- Sentence 1 - Summary
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- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
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