IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Students are overloaded with homework now a days from school, rather than home work some bilieves that school should focus and give more time to other activities which will help their growth as the burden they loose their skill and abilities.Do you agree or disagree.

#students #homework #school #home #work #bilieves #focus #time #activities #growth #burden #skill #abilities
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Everyone knows that education plays an important role in
student's
Correct article usage
a student's
show examples
 life but
along with
Linking Words
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
study
Add a comma
study,
show examples
 their physical growth is
also
Linking Words
 important. Some people believe that
homework
Use synonyms
 from the
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 is becoming a big burden for them and they
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 distracted from physical activities. I
am totally agree
Change the verb form
totally agree
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 statement and going to explain my viewpoints in upcoming paragraphs. To commence
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
homework
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 pupils more focused when they return from their
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
however
Linking Words
, curriculum activities are
also
Linking Words
 mandatory. To illustrate,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some children
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to make their bright future in outdoor games
such
Linking Words
 as cricket, basketball and football but they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 get enough time to focus on them because of overloaded
homework
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
show examples
 eighty percent of the varsities help their students to finish their
homework
Use synonyms
 in schools so they get time to play games which is beneficial for them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, It enhances their personality and increases physical mobility. To justify,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing games
either
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 they are inside or outside helps them to grow mentally and physically which
results
Add the preposition
results in
results from
show examples
 juveniles
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 motivated and confident in
social
Correct pronoun usage
their social
show examples
 life all the time. It
also
Linking Words
results
Add the preposition
results in
results from
show examples
 them
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 more focused
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
. To exemplify,
according to
Linking Words
 the University Of
Manitoba
Add a comma
Manitoba,
show examples
 seventy percent of students are becoming more independent and physically strong because of the other activities. In my opinion,
alongwith
Correct your spelling
along with
 study
such
Linking Words
 as
homework
Use synonyms
 curriculum
actvities
Correct your spelling
activities
also
Linking Words
 play
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 role as well. Because it makes them physically and mentally strong resultantly, more focused in studies and confident in life.
Submitted by yuvrajsinghsaggu200703 on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your ideas more clearly to improve the logical structure of your essay. Group similar points together and make the connection between ideas more explicit.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully in each paragraph. Ensure that every point you make relates directly back to the main topic of the essay and expands on your opinion.
language use
Ensure consistency in subject-verb agreement and proper use of plural forms, like 'activities' instead of 'actvities' and 'believes' instead of 'bilieves'.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, like the reference to Japanese universities helping students manage their homework.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your response.
task achievement
You make a clear argument in your essay and provide reasoning to support your point of view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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