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Band 4

Write about the following topic: Many men and women are making the decision to have children later in life. Why is this trend occurring? What are the impacts of this development on both family and society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#topic #men #women #decision #children #life #trend #impacts #development #society
There is no denying the fact that men and women
deciding
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 to have
children
 later in
life
.
This
 essay will discuss the impact of
this
 development on both family and society and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
answer why
this
 trend is occurring.
To begin
 with,there has been a
noticeble
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 trend of men and women choosing to have
children
 later in their
life
 and
this
 shift can be attributed to several factors.
Firstly
 financial stability as some people
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
prefer to make
this
 a priority before bringing
children
 to establish their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 and
acheiving
Correct your spelling
achieving
 their financial stability before they
are starting
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 families.
In addition
 by
delying
Correct your spelling
delaying
relying
 parenthood, they can focus on their professional growth and secure a stable financial foundation for their future
children
. Another contributing factor is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal development as many
peaple
Correct your spelling
people
 choose to spend their younger years exploring their interests,travelling to gain more
life
 experience before taking the
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of parenthood. In terms of, why
this
 trend is occurring because it has a positive
impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
impact
show examples
 on both family and society.it is possible to say that older parents often bring greater emotional and financial stability to their families.
Moreover
,the delay in starting families can impact
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
 ,as older parents may need to balance their work and family
resposabilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 the decision
of having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
children
 later in
life
influenced
Add a missing verb
is influenced
show examples
 by various factors and it is true
this
 is essential for individuals and society to consider these factors and find a balance to
support
Correct pronoun usage
support them
show examples
.
Submitted by alyacoub.bayan92 on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or studies to back up your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and make sure your conclusion summarizes the key points clearly.
task achievement
The essay correctly identifies several reasons why people choose to have children later.
coherence cohesion
The points are relevant and address the question prompt appropriately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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