Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that schools are the best places to learn this. Discuss both these views.

#people #parents #children #members #society #schools #places

Nowadays, some parents see that teaching their own child a way to become a member of society is better,

instead

of doing so in school. The current flow of the social movement supports diversity, which often includes homeschooling.

This

current trend powers the group of home school supporters to raise their voices.

To begin

with, concept of the diversity often includes LGBTQ; some of the people who are diagnosed with mental diseases are not exceptional. The rising acceptance of

this

topic has been creating an easier process for these people to excuse themselves from not participating in an ordered society.

For example

, some of the

kids

who are dealing with mental illness have special courses in school activities or even more, when going out to the adult world.

This

fact

creates

Verb problem

causes

show examples

the majority of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

parents dealing with

this

type of problem to have reasons to avoid letting their

kids

into harsh reality:

instead

keeping them in their safe house.

On the other hand

, challenging their

kids

to fight and train for endurance is

also

a great way to protect their

kids

Moreover

, the fact is that their parents do not live forever; the time for these

kids

to live by themselves will come soon or later. Even more,

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

only some mental illnesses, may be cured by

kids

themselves

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

overcome

Submitted by dokmally2 on Mon Nov 04 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay touches upon the main ideas related to the topic, but it would benefit from a clearer structure. Adding a clear introduction and conclusion would help your reader understand your position more easily.

task achievement

Some ideas in the essay are not fully developed and could use more elaboration. Try to expand on your points with more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the main topic, and transitions between ideas are smooth. This will enhance the flow and coherence of your essay.

task achievement

You included relevant points regarding the diversity movement and its impact on education, which addresses current trends in society.

coherence cohesion

You demonstrate a thoughtful approach to the issue, showing understanding of both sides of the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

221 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that schools are the best places to learn this. Discuss both these views.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In recent years, people watch more movies from overseas. What are the reasons for this? Should the government give financial support to local cinema to produce local films?

Many small businesses are being forced to close because they cannot compete with multinational corporations. what problem does this cause, and how can those problems be solved?

In many countries, some people earn very high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country. Others believe that the government should not allow people to earn salaries above a certain level. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and livable for people in those time than they are now.

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?