IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #location #dance #classes #people #town #australia #summarise #features #comparisons
The two
chart
Change to a plural noun
charts
show examples
 illustrate details about where teenagers in the town in
australia
Change the capitalization
Australia
show examples
 are attending dense
classes
,
As well as
 the various types of
classes
 they are currently enrolled in.
Overall
, there
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 significant
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
 in dancing location and type.Looking into more details, nearly half of the
classes
 prefer to
locate
Wrong verb form
be located
show examples
 at private
studio
Fix the agreement mistake
studios
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
48%, and a quarter of dance organizations, choose school holes to give
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 after school.One of the features that
striking
Change the form of the verb
struck
show examples
 me most
It's
Verb problem
is that
show examples
 only
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
10%
classes
Change preposition
of classes
show examples
 choose
college based
Add a hyphen
college-based
show examples
studio
Fix the agreement mistake
studios
show examples
.
Otherwise
Add a comma
Otherwise,
show examples
 they have 18% company prefer to teach in community halls and other places.In terms of the number of
students
 in
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
11
and11 to16
Correct your spelling
and 11 to 16
, choose three different kinds of dance
classes
. The gap between
Add an article
the age
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of under 11 and 11 to 16 is very significant.First of all, the number of
individual
Change to a plural noun
individuals
show examples
 who are under 11 years old
students
 ballet
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
 600
people
,
rank
Wrong verb form
ranking
show examples
 the top, And
people
at
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
11 to 16 have a
dramatically
Change the adverb
dramatic
show examples
 change,
It
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
just
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
half
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 study ballet.
On the contrary
, There are only 100
people
 that
age is
Verb problem
are
show examples
 under 11 keen on modern dances, And
students
 who is
age
 of 11 to 16 prefer to study modern dances
increase
Verb problem
apply
show examples
considerably.What is more,
it is clear that
, whether various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
 are keen on tap dances.
Submitted by ysh424 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words classes, students, age, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: