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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The two
chart
Change to a plural noun
charts
show examples
 illustrate details about where teenagers in the town in
australia
Change the capitalization
Australia
show examples
 are attending dense
classes
Use synonyms
,
As well as
Linking Words
 the various types of
classes
Use synonyms
 they are currently enrolled in.
Overall
Linking Words
, there
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 significant
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
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 in dancing location and type.Looking into more details, nearly half of the
classes
Use synonyms
 prefer to
locate
Wrong verb form
be located
show examples
 at private
studio
Fix the agreement mistake
studios
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
48%, and a quarter of dance organizations, choose school holes to give
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 after school.One of the features that
striking
Change the form of the verb
struck
show examples
 me most
It's
Verb problem
is that
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 only
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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10%
Use synonyms
classes
Change preposition
of classes
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 choose
college based
Add a hyphen
college-based
show examples
studio
Fix the agreement mistake
studios
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.
Linking Words
Otherwise
Add a comma
Otherwise,
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 they have 18% company prefer to teach in community halls and other places.In terms of the number of
students
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
11
and11 to16
Correct your spelling
and 11 to 16
, choose three different kinds of dance
classes
Use synonyms
. The gap between
Use synonyms
Add an article
the age
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 of under 11 and 11 to 16 is very significant.First of all, the number of
individual
Change to a plural noun
individuals
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 who are under 11 years old
students
Use synonyms
 ballet
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
 600
people
Use synonyms
,
rank
Wrong verb form
ranking
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 the top, And
people
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
11 to 16 have a
dramatically
Change the adverb
dramatic
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 change,
It
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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just
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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half
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
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 study ballet.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, There are only 100
people
Use synonyms
 that
Use synonyms
age is
Verb problem
are
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 under 11 keen on modern dances, And
students
Use synonyms
 who is
age
Use synonyms
 of 11 to 16 prefer to study modern dances
increase
Verb problem
apply
show examples
considerably.What is more,
it is clear that
Linking Words
, whether various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 are keen on tap dances.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words classes, students, age, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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