IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society?

#pollution #rivers #lakes #seas #concern #people #environment #water #effects #life #society
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In the modern world,
water
Use synonyms
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 gradually increasing. Some people believe that
this
Linking Words
 can lead to
poisons
Replace the word
poisonous
show examples
Use synonyms
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
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 and
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the behavior
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 of
human
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humans
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.
As well as
Linking Words
 damage huge effects on animals and society. It is apparent that
water
Use synonyms
 infection can lead to many problems, including
Use synonyms
poison
Replace the word
poisoning
show examples
Use synonyms
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
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 and human
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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. The first cause is toxin chemicals are made by
enormous
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an enormous
the enormous
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factory
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 in the town. Exceed
industry
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industries
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 always gain more
poison
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 to the river when they get into their
precess
Correct your spelling
process
show examples
. For
instant
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an instant
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,
wast
Correct your spelling
waste
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 oil
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from the cuisine
factory
Use synonyms
 had
abandoned
Add a missing verb
been abandoned
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into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
river side
Correct your spelling
riverside
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. Unfortunately, nobody
willing
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is willing
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 to take
responsible
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responsibility
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in
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem. The second issue is
bad
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the bad
show examples
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 of
human
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humans
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a lot of humans not
to
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apply
show examples
get rid of their trash or something stinking.
For example
Linking Words
, they can bring their trash into the bin but they choose to throw
away
Correct pronoun usage
it away
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 in the stream. That
why
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is why
show examples
 communities should take
these problem
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this problem
these problems
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 seriously. The effects on animal life can be
sever
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severe
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, especially in habitat loss and
food
Use synonyms
chain
Use synonyms
 disruption. The majority of
destruction
Correct article usage
the destruction
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habitats
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of habitats
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 on natural are
concern
Wrong verb form
concerns
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in
Change preposition
apply
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many countries.
Such
Linking Words
 as,
researcher
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researchers
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 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 point
that
Change preposition
out that
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 no more safe
dwelling
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dwellings
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for
Change preposition
to
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 prevent animals from
water
Use synonyms
poison
Use synonyms
. No one can solve
this
Linking Words
 problem and
finally
Linking Words
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
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 along to extinction of
animal
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animals
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. Another damage is that
food
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chain
Use synonyms
 disruptions are caused by
bad
Add an article
the bad
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 biosphere.
Water
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 pollution might lead to population imbalance.
For example
Linking Words
, some species of fish can not
livings
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live
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 in
Use synonyms
poison
Correct article usage
the poison
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river
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rivers
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as well as
Linking Words
 get into
Use synonyms
food
Correct article usage
the food
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chain
Use synonyms
 interruption.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if societies can not cope with
this
Linking Words
 issue it will lead to interior situations in the future life.
To sum
Linking Words
up
Add a comma
up,
show examples
 everything that has been stated so far, it is considered that
water
Use synonyms
 emission
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 by
poison
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
show examples
 and
careless
Correct article usage
the careless
show examples
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
along with
Linking Words
 effects on both societies and animals, including failure habitation, and
food
Use synonyms
chain
Use synonyms
 severance.
Submitted by esaraica on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on logically structuring your essay. Start with a clear introduction explaining the issue, followed by distinct paragraphs addressing causes and effects, and conclude with a summary.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples that directly relate to water pollution and its effects on animals and society.
Task Achievement
Ensure clear and comprehensive ideas with more detailed descriptions of each point. Try to avoid vague language.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion of water pollution causes and effects.
Task Achievement
The essay identifies multiple causes of water pollution, such as industrial toxins and human behavior, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
A variety of impacts on both animal life and human society are mentioned, showing an awareness of the broader implications of the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • contamination
  • industrial discharge
  • untreated sewage
  • agricultural runoff
  • pesticides
  • oil spills
  • microplastics
  • eutrophication
  • algal blooms
  • marine dumping
  • bioaccumulation
  • ecosystem
  • biodiversity
  • public health
  • waterborne diseases
  • fishing industry
  • tourism industry
  • sustainable practices
  • environmental regulations
  • waste management
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