IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Two tables comparing workers of foreign and US birth in the United States

#two #tables #workers #birth #states
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The provided tables give information about the number of
workers
 of foreign and US birth, who
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
worked in the USA.
Overall
, it is obviously seen that the largest workforce and employment numbers were American-born
workers
,
while
 foreign-born
workers
 were the smallest. Returning to the details, the majority of the US
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 force and employment were American-born
workers
, at 129,533 and 117,095 respectively. The majority of those employed were men,
this
 figure was 60,414 people. The largest number of employed
workers
 were US-born
workers
 aged 16 to 64 years. The indicator was about 120,000. For
workers
 after 65 years of age, the indicator decreased and amounted to only 5.886.
In contrast
, people who were of foreign origin were employed in the USA and were relatively on the lower side. The total number of individuals in the workspace is 24000 of which males are making up the major masses.
Whereas
, the women are in the second position standing with 8000 employees of the field. Of the total data acquired majorly were
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
middle-aged.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the essay includes a clear, well-defined introduction and conclusion.
logical structure
The logical structure can be improved by organizing the sections clearly and maintaining a consistent flow throughout the essay.
supported main points
Ensure each main point is fully supported with sufficient information and explanation.
logical structure
Enhance the coherence of the essay by using transitional words or phrases to guide the reader through the analysis of the tables.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a good introduction and ends with a conclusive statement summing up key points.
relevant specific examples
Relevant data from the tables was discussed, and specific examples were mentioned to illustrate the points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: