IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #guarantee #job #course #university #education #work #school #gain #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
 believe that finishing a
course
 in university can guarantee them having a good job. Meanwhile, others believe that
experience
 plays an important role in landing a job.
However
, I believe that
hand-on
Correct your spelling
hands-on
show examples
experience
if
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 far superior than completing a
course
 for some reasons that are set out below. It is often said that not everyone can go to school in the past. So, it is a privilege for someone to receive an education, and later they can have a good job.
Nevertheless
, for those who are less fortunate, they need to work harder for it.
For example
,
although
 my grandma does not come from a wealthy family, she was able to afford education by working hard day and night which led her to have work. Today, some
people
 still hold
this
 mindset, and they think that school can guarantee their future
due to
 the privilege of finishing a
course
.
Nonetheless
, in these modern days,
people
 believe that
experience
 is way more important. They consider that finishing a
course
 without any
experience
 is useless. Companies prefer having skilful workers rather than fresh graduate workers. That becomes the
reaons
Correct your spelling
reason
reasons
 why some of them did not even bother to go to college to gain knowledge and skills.
For instance
, my high school friend does not want to enrol in university as she wants to immediately work to gain
experience
 as she believes that she will achieve more by doing it. Ultimately, I personally think that it is best for
people
 to have
experience
 than
completing
Wrong verb form
complete
show examples
 a
course
 because of
companies
Change noun form
companies'
company's
show examples
 preferences in choosing
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 workers and useful
knowledg
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 to be applied in workplaces.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance task response, try to ensure that each main point is thoroughly explained with specific examples and detailed reasoning.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs and ideas to make your arguments flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your conclusion summarizes the key points effectively and reinforces your opinion clearly.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion by covering both sides of the argument, which is essential for a complete task response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, providing a good framework for the essay.
task achievement
You've made a firm stand in your opinion, and that clarity strengthens your task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • critical thinking skills
  • specialized expertise
  • on-the-job training
  • work experience
  • financial independence
  • career growth
  • hands-on experience
  • balanced perspective
  • internships
  • part-time work
  • academic learning
  • vocational training
  • apprenticeships
  • personal circumstances
  • financial constraints
  • career goals
  • individual aptitudes
  • well-paying careers
  • satisfying careers
  • specialized training
What to do next:
Look at other essays: