IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The plans below show a bookstore in 2000 and the bookstore now. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plans #show #bookstore #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The given maps illustrate the alternative of a bookstore in 2000 and now. At first glance, it can be easily seen that the café counter was added on the right of the map. Meanwhile, on the left,
space
 for fiction
books
 was transformed into
space
 for other different types of
books
.
To begin
 with, it is apparent that the majority change was fiction
books
, which made up the most
space
, it took up the entire left side and nearly two-thirds of the area at the top of the map in 2000.
However
, at present,
this
 area has decreased in size in order to reserve for other
books
, including cookery, hobbies, and art
books
.
In addition
, non-fiction
space
 was relocated from the right side to the top of the map where the fiction
books
 used to be to make room for a café counter.
Moreover
, three sets of tables and chairs are put in the middle of the plans where the cookery, hobbies and art
books
 used to be.
While
, the entrance, new
books
 table and service desk have stayed unchanged throughout the years, except for
space
 for travel
books
 as it increases in size.
Submitted by elsenglish16992 on

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task achievement
The introduction could be slightly clearer by stating the purpose of the comparison. Consider rephrasing the opening sentence to focus on how the plans illustrate changes over time.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Using more transition words or phrases could help in improving the coherence.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear and detailed comparison of the changes between the bookstore in 2000 and now, addressing the key changes in the layout and features.
coherence cohesion
The use of descriptive language and clear comparisons help to effectively convey the differences and similarities between the two bookstore layouts.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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