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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Task 1 The bar chart below shows the salt intake of men and women in different age groups in a country in Europe in 2019.

Task 1 The bar chart below shows the salt intake of men and women in different age groups in a country in Europe in 2019.
#bar #salt #intake #men #women #age #groups #country #europe
the bar
illustrats
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illustrates
 the daily
salt
 consumption in Milligrams of
men
 and
women
 in different
age
 groups in a
european
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European
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 country during 2019.
Overall
, both
men
 and
women
 exceeded the
Correct your spelling
recommended
recomenede
Correct your spelling
recommended
 daily quantity as they
age
 but
women
 crossed the
recomended
Correct your spelling
recommended
 limits a little bit slightly than
men
 .
in
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At
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 the
age
 of 2-
5
Add a comma
5,
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both
women
 and
men
 consumed
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relatively
relitively
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relatively
 the same with around 2000mgs per day but as they reach the
age
 of 6-11 the
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amount
aomunt
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
consupted
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consulted
consumed
salt
 has increased to almost 2700mgs for
men
 and 2300mgs for
women
 per day, they
intake
 remained increasing in next the 33 years to reach
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest peak with almost 5000mgs per day for
men
 3900mgs for
women
 after that year the consumption of
salt
 began to decline significantly for
women
 but for
men
Add a comma
men,
show examples
 it went down slightly but remained high in general
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in the
age
 of 69
women
's
salt
intake
 returned nearly to the
Correct your spelling
recommended
recomended
Correct your spelling
recommended
 daily
intake
 but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 was almost 4000mgs for
men
 at the
age
 of 70 years and higher
women
's
intake
 reached just under the
Correct your spelling
recommended
recomended
Correct your spelling
recommended
 daily
intake
 with approximately 3900mgs for
men
Submitted by sandraabdulkarim1 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salt, men, women, age, mgs, intake with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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