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Writing Samples
Band 4

Task 1 The bar chart below shows the salt intake of men and women in different age groups in a country in Europe in 2019.

Task 1 The bar chart below shows the salt intake of men and women in different age groups in a country in Europe in 2019.
#bar #salt #intake #men #women #age #groups #country #europe
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the bar
illustrats
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illustrates
 the daily
salt
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 consumption in Milligrams of
men
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 and
women
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 in different
age
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 groups in a
european
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European
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 country during 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, both
men
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 and
women
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 exceeded the
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recommended
recomenede
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recommended
 daily quantity as they
age
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 but
women
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 crossed the
recomended
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recommended
 limits a little bit slightly than
men
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 .
in
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At
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 the
age
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 of 2-
5
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5,
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both
women
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 and
men
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 consumed
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relatively
relitively
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relatively
 the same with around 2000mgs per day but as they reach the
age
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 of 6-11 the
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amount
aomunt
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amount
 of
consupted
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consulted
consumed
salt
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 has increased to almost 2700mgs for
men
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 and 2300mgs for
women
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 per day, they
intake
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 remained increasing in next the 33 years to reach
a
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the
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 highest peak with almost 5000mgs per day for
men
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 3900mgs for
women
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 after that year the consumption of
salt
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 began to decline significantly for
women
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 but for
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men
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men,
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 it went down slightly but remained high in general
as
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apply
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in the
age
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 of 69
women
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's
salt
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intake
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 returned nearly to the
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recommended
recomended
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recommended
 daily
intake
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 but
i
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I
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 was almost 4000mgs for
men
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 at the
age
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 of 70 years and higher
women
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's
intake
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 reached just under the
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recommended
recomended
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recommended
 daily
intake
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 with approximately 3900mgs for
men
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Submitted by sandraabdulkarim1 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salt, men, women, age, mgs, intake with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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