The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph illustrates the share of regular physical activity by different
age
groups of
men
and
women
in Australia in 2010.
Overall
, both
men
and
women
across different
age
groups fluctuated throughout the given period.
Nonetheless
, except for the 15 to 24
age
group
, the percentage of
women
was always higher than
men
. The 15 to 24
age
group
was the only
group
that male exceeded female, with 52.8% and 47.7%, respectively. In the 25 to 34
age
group
,
while
male's number dropped to 42.2%,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
increased
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
shares to almost 50%. The trend continued in the 35 to 44
age
group
, with male shares decreasing slightly to under 40%
whereas
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
grew to 52.5%. In the next
age
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
category, the percentage of
men
and
women
in the 45 to 54
age
group
increased,
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
45.1% and 53%, respectively.
However
,
while
men
in the next
age
category grew to 45.1%,
women
slightly decreased to 53%.
This
continued to the 65 and over
age
category, with
men
's number increased to 46.7% and
women
's number dropped to 47.1%.
Submitted by aribawadzaki on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, men, women, group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
What to do next:
Look at other essays: