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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Panama City from 2010 to 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Panama City from 2010 to 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart elaborates
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 data of the variation that took place in three different areas of misconduct in Panama City between 2010 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, the rate of
burglarry
Correct your spelling
burglary
 was at
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 peak in 2011 with the
number
Use synonyms
 of
cases
Use synonyms
 around 3700.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 car theft and robbery
cases
Use synonyms
were be
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 in a range nearly at 2500 and 700 respectively.
However
Linking Words
 , burglary incidents after 2011 showed a sudden dramatic fall from 2012 to 2015 afterwards it continues with
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
cases
Use synonyms
approximately
Change preposition
of approximately
show examples
 1000 till 2019.
While
Linking Words
, car theft
cases
Use synonyms
was begins
Change the verb form
began
show examples
 from 2700
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
although
Linking Words
 , from the
mid
Correct your spelling
middle
show examples
 of 2012 to 2016 , the
number
Use synonyms
 of
cases
Use synonyms
 dropped to around 2000 , but
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 2019
cases
Use synonyms
 came back at the beginning from where it
starts
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to happen.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , robbery
cases
Use synonyms
were remains
Wrong verb form
remain
show examples
 at the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
amongs
Correct your spelling
among
amongst
 all, from the
inaugurate
Wrong verb form
inaugurated
show examples
 nearby 700. Afterwards, the pattern was like
zigzag
Correct article usage
a zigzag
show examples
 till the
end
Use synonyms
.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 the maximum and minimum
cases
Use synonyms
 over the period of time were around 900 in 2012 and 500 in 2015.
Linking Words
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the
end
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
end
Wrong verb form
ended
show examples
 up with the
number
Use synonyms
 of
occurrence
Change to a plural noun
occurrences
show examples
 as
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as the start.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, cases, end with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Crime rates
  • Fluctuated
  • Significant spike
  • Consistent trend
  • Prevalent
  • Cumulative change
  • Enforcement
  • Correlate
  • Reduction/increase in crime
  • Categories of crime
  • Level of crime
  • Period of time
  • Analysis
  • Data representation
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