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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the percentage e of Australian women and men in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2019. Summarises the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relavent

The bar chart below shows the percentage e of Australian women and men in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2019. Summarises the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relavent
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The provided line graph illustrates the proportions of six age groups in terms of
females
Use synonyms
 and
males
Use synonyms
 in Australia doing physical activity regularly in the year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 doing sports between 45 and 54 remained the highest of all,
while
Linking Words
 those of men stayed the lowest.
Also
Linking Words
, the figures of
women
Use synonyms
 doing physical training from all age groups climbed steadily except for
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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of
Change preposition
apply
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aged 65 and over. The number of
males
Use synonyms
 aged 15 to 24 doing sports stood at 53%, and that of
females
Use synonyms
 aged 15 to 24 started at 48%. The percentage of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 from 25 to 34 doing regular physical activity fell to 42%, but that of the
females
Use synonyms
 from between 25 to 34 rose to 49%. The numbers of men and
women
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 at the age of 35 to 44 remained the same trend as those of 25 to 34. There was a slight increase of around 1% in the
females
Use synonyms
 at 45 to 54 doing exercise;
however
Linking Words
, there was a small decrease of nearly 4% in
males
Use synonyms
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 sports. The figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 at 55 to 64 stayed at 53%,
although
Linking Words
 that of men
inclined
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 to 45%. The data of
females
Use synonyms
 at 65 and over dropped by 48, and that of
males
Use synonyms
 increased by 47%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words females, males, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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