IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write about the following topic: Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #people #university #students #study #subjects #future #science #technology
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Having
students
 study whatever they like will help them to enjoy what they do and probably succeed in the
future
. They will have all the motivation needed since they picked what they actually enjoy doing. Even going through all the hard
things
 they will be
in
Change preposition
under
show examples
 much less pressure compared to people who were forced to do what they don't enjoy doing. Some people might think that doing
things
 that are
trend
Add an article
a trend
the trend
show examples
 in the
future
 is the right way to make them succeed in the
future
. But in my opinion, it is not the best path to take. Since the
students
 will be under more pressure than usual, they won't be enjoying the fun other
students
 have
doing
Change the verb form
to do
show examples
 the
things
 they actually like and enjoy. Even in the
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
 the
students
 will be confused
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 what job they should be doing. Even so, if they were to find a job they won't be motivated to do the job since it is not something that they enjoy doing.
On the other hand
, I believe that subjects related to science and technology will be the way to go. It will help us find jobs easier than usual,
due to
 people needing a lot of
things
 that are related to technology and science
such
 as data analytics, cyber security, and more
things
 that are related to those subjects. But as
an
Change the article
a
show examples
disadvantage
Add a comma
disadvantage,
show examples
students
 will be able to forcefully study the
things
 that they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 enjoy doing but as time passes when it comes to finding jobs they
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
show examples
 be able to enjoy every moment of their life unless they decide to change what
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they actually like doing, Even though it is most likely not to happen. The skills and hobbies from the past will all just go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
waste since they
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
show examples
 be picking the
things
 that they are actually passionate about where they would actually have the skills to do all the
things
 that they like. In my opinion the
students
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
should have the chance to pick their own majors. As we all can feel from our lives, when we
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 enjoy doing something we like and we just wanna be part of the trend we are usually
gonna
Verb problem
going
show examples
 be give up at one point
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our lives. Based
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 my past experience , I have always wanted to play basketball since I saw my sister playing basketball which looks like a lot of fun to do and
also
 mainly cool. But as I tried doing it ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
didnt
Correct your spelling
didn't
 seem to enjoy it as much as my sister do enjoy it. But as I kept on forcing and forcing myself to do it, it just
makes
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 me mad which
makes
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 me wanna give up
doing
Verb problem
playing
show examples
 basketball. So
this
 really compares to when a student does not want to study what they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 enjoy it will all just go to waste, since you will always feel heavy about it and there will always be thoughts on giving up on it.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Include more diverse viewpoints from both sides of the argument to strengthen the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main topic sentence and flows logically to the next idea.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear opinion on the topic and supports it with reasoning.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas, particularly in expressing the writer's opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: