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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

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The chart
bellow
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below
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 illustrates information about the amount of
students
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 studying computer science in the UK between 2010 and 2012.
Morever
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Moreover
 the
date
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data
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 provides
statistic
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statistics
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about native and international
students
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 and by gender as well. Given image compasses information about home and international
students
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number
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 by gender.
Firstly
Linking Words
 ,
for
Linking Words
instance
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instance,
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of
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if
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 we analyse
bar
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a bar
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 chart intended for
man
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men
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, we can see that in 2010-2012
British
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 male
students
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number
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 was
averagely
Change the word
average
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fluctuating
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
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.
In
Linking Words
particular
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particular,
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 in 2010 their amount was over 35%, but in 2011 rapid fall is notable to approximate 25%.
However
Linking Words
 in 2012 marginal leap
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 seen and
British
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men
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male
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students
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numebr
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number
hits
Wrong verb form
hit
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it's
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its
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 maximum, over 40% in total.
On the other hand
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
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during these years international male
students
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number
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 was gradually increasing.
For
Linking Words
example
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example,
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 in 2010 it was 20%, in 2011 it was 25% and in 2012 it became approximately 40% of
total
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the total
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students
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number
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.
Different
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A different
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 tendency is visible in the women's chart, where
fluctuation
Correct article usage
the fluctuation
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 of
British
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 and foreign female
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students
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students'
student's
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 numbers was gradually increasing.
Namely
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Namely,
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British
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students
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amount
Verb problem
apply
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in 2010 was over 30% and in 2011 it became almost 45%, as follows stable growth and in 2012 it became over 45% in total. I'm the same way international woman
students
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number
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 was nearly 15%, in 2011 it was almost 20% and in 2012 it became over 20%. .
Submitted by ibragimmamedov2 on

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Coherence/Cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow and organization of your information to increase clarity.
Coherence/Cohesion
Some sentences could be more precise. Ensure each sentence logically leads to the next.
Task Achievement
When describing data trends, use specific values where appropriate to strengthen your points.
Introduction/Conclusion
The introduction effectively paraphrases the question and states what the chart contains.
Task Achievement
You’ve highlighted key trends in the data and attempted to describe them, which is essential for a good task response.
Coherence/Cohesion
There is a clear introduction and logical attempt to describe trends, which helps the reader follow your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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