Check it according IELTS writing task part 1 give feedback and score

The chart
bellow
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below
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illustrates information about the amount of
students
studying computer science in the UK between 2010 and 2012.
Morever
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Moreover
the
date
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data
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provides
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
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about native and international
students
and by gender as well. Given image compasses information about home and international
students
number
by gender.
Firstly
,
for
instance
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instance,
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of
Correct your spelling
if
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we analyse
bar
Correct article usage
a bar
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chart intended for
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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, we can see that in 2010-2012
British
male
students
number
was
averagely
Change the word
average
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fluctuating
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
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.
In
particular
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particular,
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in 2010 their amount was over 35%, but in 2011 rapid fall is notable to approximate 25%.
However
in 2012 marginal leap
is
Wrong verb form
was
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seen and
British
men
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male
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students
numebr
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number
hits
Wrong verb form
hit
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it's
Correct your spelling
its
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maximum, over 40% in total.
On the other hand
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,
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during these years international male
students
number
was gradually increasing.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
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in 2010 it was 20%, in 2011 it was 25% and in 2012 it became approximately 40% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
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students
number
.
Different
Correct article usage
A different
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tendency is visible in the women's chart, where
fluctuation
Correct article usage
the fluctuation
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of
British
and foreign female
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
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numbers was gradually increasing.
Namely
Add a comma
Namely,
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British
students
amount
Verb problem
apply
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in 2010 was over 30% and in 2011 it became almost 45%, as follows stable growth and in 2012 it became over 45% in total. I'm the same way international woman
students
number
was nearly 15%, in 2011 it was almost 20% and in 2012 it became over 20%. .
Submitted by ibragimmamedov2 on

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Coherence/Cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow and organization of your information to increase clarity.
Coherence/Cohesion
Some sentences could be more precise. Ensure each sentence logically leads to the next.
Task Achievement
When describing data trends, use specific values where appropriate to strengthen your points.
Introduction/Conclusion
The introduction effectively paraphrases the question and states what the chart contains.
Task Achievement
You’ve highlighted key trends in the data and attempted to describe them, which is essential for a good task response.
Coherence/Cohesion
There is a clear introduction and logical attempt to describe trends, which helps the reader follow your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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