IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

the most important aim of science should be to improve people's live. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people
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Some people argue that the most important purpose of
science
 should be for the benefit of people’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. It is undeniable that
science
 plays an important role in our daily
life
 and I support the idea that whatever scientific findings should eventually lead to
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
life
 better. First of all, one of the primary focuses of
science
 should be on improving healthcare and finding cures for diseases. Scientific advancements in fields like medicine and biotechnology have the potential to significantly increase human lifespan,
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 anti-virus and enhance the quality of
life
.
Example
Change preposition
For example
show examples
, scientific research on medicine and biotechnology was vital in developing anti-virus during pandemic in the early 2020 because of covid virus.
As a result
, various anti-viruses have been produced and developed to counter it and probably have
save
Replace the word
saved
show examples
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of lives. Another main goal of
science
 is
making
Change the verb form
to make
show examples
 our daily
life
 more
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
 and efficient with the advance of technology. The way we live and work nowadays
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 very different from a few years ago which is how significant it is
science
 form our habitual
life
.
For instance
, a few decades ago, it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 almost impossible to send
a new information
Remove the article
new information
a piece of new information
show examples
 instantly,
however
 with the
advance
Fix the agreement mistake
advances
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technology
such
 as
smartphone
Correct article usage
the smartphone
show examples
 that we have now, sending
such
a new information
Remove the article
new information
a piece of new information
show examples
 is can
done
Change the verb form
be done
show examples
 in a mere second. In conclusion,
although
 there are more other issues that scientists can focus on,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
I agree that the primary purpose of
science
 should be for the benefit of
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
life
 like healthcare and human well-being
as well as
 technology and innovation to make our
life
 more
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
 and efficient.
Submitted by kkomariyah92 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas within the paragraphs flow logically. Consider adding linking words and phrases to improve the transition between sentences and between ideas.
task achievement
Make sure to use specific examples that directly relate to the points being made. Ensure that they are clearly explained and directly support the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main idea effectively.
task achievement
The essay directly addresses the question and provides a complete response, discussing the importance of science in healthcare and technology.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • advancement
  • innovations
  • sustainability
  • renewable energy
  • biotechnology
  • quality of life
  • environmental issues
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • technological
  • efficiency
  • sustainable practices
  • food security
  • agricultural
  • crop yields
  • nutrition
  • economic development
  • industries
  • poverty reduction
  • education
  • knowledge dissemination
  • informed decision-making
What to do next:
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