More and more people nowadays visit well-known places to take photographs of themselves without looking at the place. Why do you think this is happening ? Is it a positive or A negative trend?
In today's
life
an increasing part of society Add a comma
life,
take
Change the verb form
takes
silfies
in famous places without paying attention Correct your spelling
selfies
where
they are. I Change preposition
to where
belive
there are two main reasons for Correct your spelling
believe
this
issue and there is at least a major disadvantage we will discuss.
The main negativity of leaving a traditional place that we paied mony
Correct your spelling
paid money
and
Change preposition
for and
spend
time Wrong verb form
spent
to visit
is that we achieve no experience and our knowledge will not increase. If we Change the verb form
visiting
pre study
Add a hyphen
pre-study
about
the environment we want to travel there Change preposition
apply
is
not only we would feel more Unnecessary verb
apply
pleaser
but there is the possibility that we find better Replace the word
pleased
location
to take Fix the agreement mistake
locations
gorgeos
selfies. Correct your spelling
gorgeous
For
example
when I wanted to go to Add a comma
example,
Persepolice
in Iran, I studied an article about it on the Internet, and I could take breathtaking photos of myself with those amazing columns Correct your spelling
Persepolis
at
Change preposition
in
background
.
There are two major reasons for Add an article
the background
this
issue. The first one is that in todays
life we want to share shining scenes of our lives Change to a genitive case
today's
in
social media and Change preposition
on
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
got
more important even more rather than what we think. Wrong verb form
get
For
example
a lot of people post on Instagram Add a comma
example,
from
their travels and their dishes because they want to gain Change preposition
about
the
Correct article usage
apply
aproval
from other people and get Correct your spelling
approval
like
and positive Replace the word
likes
coments
on these platforms.
The Correct your spelling
comments
last
but not least reason we inceasingly
take selfies in well-known places without exploring these sites is that the main reason for Correct your spelling
increasingly
unceasingly
sceduale
Correct your spelling
schedule
this
travel was to be seen and get positive atitude
from the Correct your spelling
attitude
peaople
we know and they know us. We should stop Correct your spelling
people
this
type of looking to
Change preposition
at
the
life and travel to these places and explore deeply and increase our knowledge about them. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, when we go to Louver
Correct article usage
the Louver
musiume
we should absolutely spend more and more time Correct your spelling
museum
museums
to watch
the Monalisa and it is unwise action to take a simple selfie with it.
In conclusion, there Change the verb form
watching
is
an important Verb problem
apply
disadvantage
to Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
take
just Wrong verb form
taking
selfie
and Correct article usage
a selfie
do
not Verb problem
apply
explore
the place Wrong verb form
exploring
include
we can not increase our knowledge Wrong verb form
including
and
there are two Correct word choice
apply
manin
reasons to do Correct your spelling
main
this
including
we want to share our best moments with others and get positive Correct word choice
apply
coments
and the other reason is that getting these comments are important for us.Correct your spelling
comments
Submitted by jingelbing on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on creating a more organized structure in your essay. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme and that they seamlessly lead into each other. This will improve your essay's readability and coherence.
Task Response
While your essay provides some examples and reasoning, try to more comprehensively explore both why people take selfies and the impacts of this trend. Delve deeper into each point to provide thorough analysis and demonstration of your ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on refining your language for clarity. Some sentences are a bit unclear or awkward, which hinders clear communication of your ideas. Try to simplify complex sentences and focus on using clear, concise language.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a relevant example about Persepolis, which effectively supports the argument regarding the advantages of studying a location before visiting it.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay nicely and provide a sense of completeness to your response.
Task Response
Your conclusion does a good job of summarizing the main points of your essay, tying your arguments together in a clear way.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.