Some people believe that cultural traditions can be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions; others, however, think that this is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Tourists
are usually attracted by the cultural diversity when they plan their trips.
In addition
,
traveling
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travelling
show examples
one
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is one
show examples
of the main factors that boost the local economy.
While
some people believe
tourists
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tourist
show examples
resorts bring economic benefits
as well as
instill
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instil
show examples
a sense of
proud
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pride
show examples
, others worry that these cultural reserves might be in danger of deterioration.
This
essay aims to elaborate
both
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on both
show examples
sides and give my opinions. Many documented cases warrant
people’
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people’s
show examples
concerns when
tourists
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tourist
show examples
attractions
are open to
travelers
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travellers
show examples
. Taking the Great Wall as an example, some parts are full of
graffitis
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graffiti
show examples
after being visited by
tourists
, who made irreversible changes to the historical sites.
Such
case
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a case
show examples
corroborates the possibility of vandalism made to the preserved
places
.
Moreover
, the culture and charms embedded in these historical
places
and
artifacts
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artefacts
show examples
might be lost after being renovated to attract customers.
For instance
, the original buildings might be painted and refurnished for
tourists
’ experiences,
results
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resulting
show examples
in the loss of their original appearance which carries unique history and
cultures
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culture
show examples
. Considering these factors, these cultural heritages should be kept away from potential
tourism
damages
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damage
show examples
.
However
,
tourism
is said to enhance the local traditions.
Firstly
, the local governments,
instead
of changing the
looking
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look
show examples
of the
places
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are more likely to maintain and repair the
places
because of
tourism
.
As a result
, these tourist
attractions
used to be ignored
get
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to get
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the maintenance that
extend
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extends
show examples
their life. Another reason is that the local people will have a sense of
proud
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pride
show examples
and
belongings
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belonging
show examples
because of these tourist
attractions
. Cities usually have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
landmarks that represent
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
spirits and history.
For instance
, the
Sydney
opera house
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Opera House
show examples
is one of the most well-known landmarks in
Sydney
, and
forbidden city
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Forbidden City
show examples
is the signature place in China. These tourist
attractions
represent the local's hometown and their spirits. Just like whenever people think of
Sydney
opera house
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Opera House
show examples
, the first impression
comes
Correct pronoun usage
that comes
show examples
to mind is that
Sydney
is a modern city but has
abundance
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an abundance
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of cultural heritage embodied by arts and natural beauty. In my opinion, even though worries about the possible damages are valid,
tourism
is not the culprit to blame. The local authorities can take measures to prevent potential damage by providing education for
tourists
and calling for extra care and protection from the local residents.
Tourism
is a good opportunity for delivering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local charms to the world, and
also
one of the main contributors to the local economy. In conclusion, possible damages from
tourists'
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tourists
show examples
visits can be prevented if appropriate measures are taken, I am in
favor
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favour
show examples
of boosting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local
tourism
because of the several benefits aforementioned.
Submitted by wusiying2001 on

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen your logical structure by clearly transitioning between opposing viewpoints and your own opinion.
task achievement
Although the main points are supported, elaborating on the examples with more detail could enhance the argument.
task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument effectively before providing your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the content of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • commodification
  • authenticity
  • palatable
  • over-simplification
  • misrepresentation
  • commercialization
  • cultural integrity
  • marketplace
  • preservation
  • continuation
  • restoration
  • livelihoods
  • artisans
  • performers
  • wider audience
  • foster
  • appreciation
  • understanding
  • careful management
  • viable path
  • generating income
  • integrity
  • cultural practices
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