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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show the different types of courses, which were followed by the students during the years of 1984, 1994 and 2004.

The pie charts below show the different types of courses, which were followed by the students during the years of 1984, 1994 and 2004.
#show #courses #students #years
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The pictures
describes
Change the verb form
describe
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 the various lectures followed by
students
Use synonyms
 in
80s
Correct article usage
the 80s
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, 90s, and 21st century.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
students
Use synonyms
 at different times mostly learn with
Use synonyms
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
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face
Use synonyms
courses
Use synonyms
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 in
90s
Change the article
the 90s
show examples
 started the online
courses
Use synonyms
. During the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1984,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
not
Add a missing verb
was not
show examples
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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as
advance
Wrong verb form
advanced
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 as in
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
show examples
 century. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 attend the
courses
Use synonyms
 by
face
Use synonyms
 to
face
Use synonyms
 with the teacher (about 67%). Continue by
correspondences
Fix the agreement mistake
correspondence
show examples
courses
Use synonyms
 with 20% of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 and the least
courses
Use synonyms
 attend by
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 with mixed media
courses
Use synonyms
 (
arround
Correct your spelling
around
 13%). In 1994 and 2004, the technology started to be
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better with the coming of online
courses
Use synonyms
. At that time,
Use synonyms
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
Use synonyms
courses
Use synonyms
still
Add a missing verb
were still
show examples
 the most popular
courses
Use synonyms
 to attend (
arround
Correct your spelling
around
 54% and 40%),
while
Linking Words
 online
courses
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
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 the least favourite with only 11% and 10%
Use synonyms
students
Change preposition
of students
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 consecutively.
Student
Fix the agreement mistake
Students
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 who choose
corespondece
Correct your spelling
correspondence
courses
Use synonyms
 same as in 1984 but
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 in 2004 (15% to 20%)
while
Linking Words
 mixed media
courses
Use synonyms
 significantly rose from 15% to 35%.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, face, courses with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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