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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The given pie chart compares the proportion of enrollment for six different courses at a UK college of education in 2010 and 2012.

The given pie chart compares the proportion of enrollment for six different courses at a UK college of education in 2010 and 2012.
The
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie chart compares the proportion of
enrollment
Use synonyms
 for six different courses at a UK college of education in 2010 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, immediately appeared that great change was observed in the percentage of
enrollment
Use synonyms
 to the sports since. In the year
2010
Add a comma
2010,
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 there was a huge demand for social studies over
the
Correct article usage
apply
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all the enrollments,
although
Linking Words
 still in popular course. But by 2012 it fell
one fifth
Add a hyphen
one-fifth
show examples
 of the total. Nursing was the second most popular course to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
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 but it fell drastically to half, two years later.
Linking Words
Initially
Add a comma
Initially,
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 enrolment for sports science was very low at 11.9 % .
However
Linking Words
, it increased significantly over the two years to represent the largest proportion of enrolments in 2012 at 25.5%. Less uniformity
seen
Add a missing verb
was seen
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 in the remaining three courses.
Enrollment
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
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 the engineering course went up slightly to 18.5% in 2012, but psychology
virtually
Add a missing verb
was virtually
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 unchanged
this
Linking Words
 was
also
Linking Words
case
Add an article
the case
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 for carpentry, which experienced very low levels of
enrollment
Use synonyms
 throughout the period.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words enrollment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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