IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Your office building doesn't have parking available. Write a letter to the manager. In your letter: ● Explain the problem ● Suggest a solution ● Say why parking will benefit all employees

#office #doesn #manager #benefit #employees
Dear Sir, I hope
this
 letter finds you well. I am writing
this
 letter to express my dissatisfaction as our
office
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have our own parking space. Owing to
this
, many of us park vehicles away from the
office
 at
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
public parking and they charge us a monthly fee.
Therefore
, it puts
extra
Add an article
an extra
the extra
show examples
 financial burden on our
office
 employees. In order to, solve
this
 issue, I propose that there is an empty land next to our
office
 premises, which could
be utilise
Change the verb form
be utilised
show examples
 for parking vehicles. We can contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the owner of that land and sign a lease agreement with him, as he approached the company management for the same
last
 year.
This
 step will enable many of us to reach
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 time, because at present a number of staff members use public transport to commute, which runs late at times.
As a result
, employees usually reach
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 late, which itself is an issue for the company management. I hope you will look into the matter personally and I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Jatinder.
Submitted by mrsdns on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity in your sentences by avoiding long and complicated structures.
task achievement
Introduce a brief introduction to the situation for improved clarity.
suitable writing tone
The letter effectively uses formal language suitable for a letter to a manager.
task achievement
The problem and solution are clearly outlined, which strengthens the task response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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